Lani gently squeezed my knee. “I get it, you have to
work. But you really should take a day to enjoy yourself. At least half a day.”
“We’ll see.” I watched as she removed her hand,
feeling a bit lonely from the lack of touch and wanting to ask for it back. It
had been some time since I’d welcomed the touch of a woman. After Danielle, the
thought of being touched repulsed me. It had for several years. But I’d been
told that’s common when you have an STI scare. I wasn’t sure if it was stranger
to welcome the touch of a woman again or to welcome the company of this girl so
much like my ex. “Why did you come back tonight?”
Lani cocked her head to the side, her eyes searching my
face as if suspecting it was a trick question of some sort. “I said I would,
didn’t I? Why is that so surprising to you?”
I scratched the back of my head, grimacing. “It’s
just…you remind me of a girl I used to know.”
“What was she like?” Lani rested her chin on her hand.
My eyes focused on a point behind the bar though my
mind drifted away to those three years of college. Danielle with her strawberry
blond hair and freckled, pale skin; she laughed at something funny, a musical
quality to her voice. Even when she spoke it sounded like she was singing. During
the good times anyway. The harmonies sounded more dissonant after the truth had
been revealed.
“She was unique. Pretty, liked to laugh, didn’t take a
whole lot seriously it didn’t seem.” I sighed, images of her face contorted in
anger flooding my mind. She hadn’t liked when I’d demanded why she hadn’t told
me; she seemed to think that was a no brainer and reminded me she had never
promised to be monogamous.
“What changed?” Lani asked, her voice sounding
distant.
Images of Danielle happy and playful came back; she
was running down a hill with her arms flailing or spinning in wide circles down
a sidewalk, looking back to smile at me. “She liked being a free spirit, and
she felt being with one person was too restricting.”
I shook the images from my mind, turning towards Lani.
She wrapped her hand around mine and squeezed. A sad smile crossed my lips and
I gently squeezed her hand in return. Her mouth opened as though she was going
to say something and then thought better of it.
“Cheer up, Matt. She didn’t know what she was letting
go.” She smiled kindly at me and I swore I saw something lonely in her as well;
as though she could relate. Before I could ask, she said, “Let’s not think on
sad things. We’re in Paris after all.”
My lips cracked into a smile. She was right. All of
that was so far away, in both time and place; it did no good to think on it
now. And there before me was this beautiful woman, so caring and sympathetic. I
felt I had been unfair to her, and yet she wanted to know about me; if she had
only been interested in sex and booze, I couldn’t help thinking she wouldn’t
have asked about the girl she made me remember.
Suddenly I was struck by how late it must have been.
Checking my watch, I said, “I’m really sorry, Lani, but I need to go for the
night.”
She nodded, a hint of disappointment in her eyes, but
a smile curling her lips. “I thought you might say that.” Lani squeezed my hand
again before letting it go.
“Will I see you tomorrow night?”
Her smile brightened; “I don’t see why not.”
I stood and wished her a good night. As I started to
leave, I felt her shapely arms wrap around me and her face press into the space
between my shoulder blades. Part of me wanted to turn around and give her a
proper hug, but I feared already I was growing too smitten; not properly
returning the hug was my way of proving I wasn’t too attached yet. I placed my
arms over hers and whispered, “Thank you.”
Lani pulled away slowly, gently rubbing my back for a
moment. “Sweet dreams.”
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