Gravity and Yoga

Breathe in

Positivity, light, wholesomeness, love

Breathe out

Stress, anger, thoughtlessness, mistakes

Focus on your breathing

Floating…

Racing thoughts cease

Breathe actively

Weightlessness surrounds me

Feel your breath—

White nothingness abounds

—fill the back of your lungs

A pure silence before unknown

Engage your diaphragm

Discomfort, falling and strain

Ignore the intruder

Follow the path—

Internal serenity found despite an incessant voice

—your breath takes—

Floating easily, yet struggling

—through your body

Tethered down, unable to be free

/…/

Silence

Finally able to enjoy floating, unrestrained

Reality rushes back, noise

I miss the voice

5 Minutes

You can do anything for 5 minutes.       

            A short mantra pushing you in those final moments

            When that ache in your lower back

            Compliments the burning in your thighs

            And the shortness of your breath.

            Keep going,

You can do anything for 4 minutes.       

            Rest a moment beside a curtain of water

            On slick, glistening rocks, unaware

            The next moments carve a course of possibilities

            As turbulent and smooth as the river ahead.

            Don’t stop,

You can do anything for 3 minutes.       

            Imitate Gene Kelly without a care in the world

            As heavy drops rap on the umbrella

            Or splash on your face and shoulders

            As you lose yourself in swinging around a lamppost.

            Concentrate,

You can do anything for 2 minutes.

            Feel the warmth envelope you

            As a light breeze plays across your face.

            Breathe in the pollen filled air, listening

            To cheery birds and praying not to sneeze.

            Almost there,

You can do anything for 1 minute.        

            Seek the source of the cool air that brushes,

            Briefly, over your burning, drenched skin.

            It’s a tempting lure away from the machine,

            But victory and accomplishment are close at hand.

            Push harder,

You can do anything for 30 seconds.

            Even die a little, but not really.

            Hold your breath and feel the ease in the

            First 10 seconds before your lungs burn and chest tightens

            And eventually forces you to suck in fresh air.

            Count down,

5…4…3…2…1.

In 5 minutes, you just surpassed your expectations

Of yourself and pulled through.

Body aches and muscles sore, but in that good,

I finished something, sort of way.

You can thank a wandering mind later.

Eternal: Chapter Eight, Part 4

Later that week, Drei had arranged for us to meet with the Council. The vampire—the one even more stoic than Drei—drove us there. This time, he permitted us roll down the windows so I wasn’t starved when we arrived. About an hour after we left, the air changed from fresh to stale. The window wasn’t down far enough for me to see why, but I figured it partially explained why the area around the house had seemed archaic.

We were told to wait in the same dusty room while the Council assembled. This time, however, instead of their courtroom equivalent, we were brought into a more office-like space. There was one large desk, at which the head of the Council was seated. Then there was a table to either side with a total of seven chairs. Tudor, the vampire who had sat under the presiding head, sat immediately to the right of the desk on the table of four. Strangely enough, they all appeared to be dressed casually and each had a mug of warm blood on the table before them.

“You may deliver the update, Mr. Valmoritim,” Tudor announced in a lighter voice than he had used the last time we’d met.

I handed Drei the papers and he passed them to Tudor, who offered them to the head vampire. He leafed through them as Drei returned to my side. We waited for him to stop, because I knew he would. The commercials were cryptic. Just because the site, currently, was set up to reveal the nature of elementals didn’t mean it couldn’t be altered to reveal the existence of other hiding groups. We knew he would recognize this, and that’s when I had to talk them into patience.

“Tudor, what is your opinion of these?” There was the edge to his voice; the tell-tale sign he was displeased. Until they brought it up, I had decided to play dumb—and resist admitting how much I loathed these games.

“I believe these are too general,” Tudor stated, his brow furrowed, wrinkling his crown even more than it already was. “Do you realize, Miss Jones, these could lead to the discovery of every hiding organization?”

“I realize it may seem that way,” I replied, meeting his gaze, despite how difficult it was to look into those black orbs. “But let me assure you, they will all remain hidden.”

“For how long?” Tudor asked calmly, the edge in his voice as well.

“So long as they choose. This has nothing to do with them;” I folded my hands in front of me. “I can swear to you that this is a movement centering around the civil rights of elementals and exposing the corruption of the current government. What do vampires and other such groups have to do with that?”

There was a lot of nodding and murmuring along the table before Tudor spoke again. “You are responsible for informing the other organizations of this. We will not interfere with the current goings-on.”

“Thank you,” I said, bowing my head to them. That was easier than I had expected.

“Miss Jones,” the presiding vampire called, staring intently at me. I met his gaze. Maybe I had spoken too soon. “Should we feel endangered by your movement, we will end it.”

“I understand.”

“Dismissed,” Tudor granted.

In the hallway, Drei hugged me, kissing the top of my head.

“You amaze me,” he whispered, holding me a second longer before letting go.

I waved it off. “That was easy compared to some of this.” Mentally, I reminded myself to start Valetta and Mitchell on speaking with the other groups’ leaders about their privacy and secrecy. I wasn’t keen on being summoned to meet with werewolves or fairies and the like.

“But that is the last obstacle, Abriel,” he said, his fingertips brushing my cheek as he tucked hair behind my ear. “The commercial will air in a week, and we will be three weeks ahead of schedule.”

“It’s a good start. But we still have a middle and an end to go.”

He looked ready to say something more before our escort led us downstairs to the car. I wished I knew what he had been about to say. I had a feeling it had something to do with enjoying the moment. Not live in the moment—since living wasn’t something we could technically do—but enjoy the moment.

Perhaps it was a strange thought to have; they seemed more frequent, though I couldn’t tell if they made me feel bitter or grieved. I tried not to think on it too much. Sure, it wasn’t healthy to hold it inside, but I needed to be calm and collected; I was in charge and needed to appear as such.

But how long could that last?

Eternal: Chapter Seven, Part 6

“It is not yet time for that.” He reached out a hand to me, but I didn’t want to accept it if he was going to ask me to consider never doing so again. “We are not the choice you must consider. We are almost there.”

I stared at him for a moment longer—ensuring he meant what he said—before taking his hand. Drei pulled me into an embrace, holding me tight, and my doubts dissipated as I breathed him in, inhaled his luscious scent. Part of me was frightened by what he might ask of me, but I had trusted him this long. A little longer wouldn’t hurt.

We continued and a knot started forming in my stomach. The further we walked, the more I remembered this place, and, if I was right, we were heading toward my old neighborhood. That meant the choice dealt with either my mother—my adoptive mother, my dad’s wife—or Dad. But the likelihood of my dad being home was slim; before I’d left, he was rarely home. And if this was for my mother…that wasn’t even a choice, really. I wanted nothing to do with her, and that I’d decided long before I’d left.

Sure enough, we ended up at the end of the drive leading to the gate of my old neighborhood. I was grateful we were here and not at the school; I wasn’t sure how I might have handled that, but this I could handle—maybe. There were a lot of good memories here, at least, even if there were some less than pleasant ones to wish me off.

“Your first choice,” he said, stopping at the bottom of the drive. “We can continue, or we can check into our hotel for the night.”

I stared through the darkness at the neighborhood ahead, contemplating the option before me. To go on might mean having to face one of my parents, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I wanted to just disregard it all. Against my better judgment, I had bottled up the final events here years ago and avoided thinking on them when I could. The downside was I never found closure for myself, and letting go of my own emotions was much more difficult than helping someone else release theirs. So while I wasn’t sure if I was ready for confrontation or reunion—whichever awaited me—I wasn’t particularly keen on giving up a chance for resolution.

“If we continue, there will be one more choice for you to make,” Drei said.

“One more choice.” He nodded beside me. “We’ve come this far,” I said, “why not a little further?”

“Very well.” He turned to start along the outside perimeter.

At first, I thought to suggest we go through the front as I used to know the night guard fairly well; then I realized how long it had been and how much I didn’t know about this place anymore. If it was a different guard, he would probably call ahead to verify my identity and then whatever second choice I had to make would be made for me. Even if it was the same guard, many of my team hadn’t recognized me in my new state and we had lived together. Without a suitable alternative, I jogged to catch up to Drei.

“When I used to visit you at night, I took a back way in, never through the gate. They would have asked too many questions.” After a moment we came to a tall tree and Drei smoothly climbed up to the first set of branches. “Here.”

Though he reached down to help me up, after glancing around—mostly using my element to sense around us—I formed a block of air below me and was sitting on top of the wall in a moment. He smirked—probably at my ingeniousness—climbing the rest of the way and joining me.

“I take it no one is around but us?”

Nodding, I glimpsed over the wall. “Want a lift down?”

He nimbly jumped from the wall and landed in a low crouch on the other side. Slowly, using the air as an elevator, I joined him.

“Show off.”

“I am not the only one,” he said, smiling. “It is not much farther.”

“It’s just down the street.”

He nodded, a brightness to his eyes. I followed his lead out of this yard and onto the street.

In a couple of minutes, we were standing on the driveway of my parents’ house. I had never thought I would be there again—not this soon, anyway. It hadn’t changed from what I remembered, though it seemed larger and more intimidating now. Lights shone through various windows, mostly on the ground level.

“What’s my choice now?” I asked, looking up at him.

“I am not sure if you will take this opportunity, but I have felt for some time now that you left some things unfinished when you came with me,” he said, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t disagree with his conclusion. Maybe Caroline had rubbed off on me and now I wanted to disagree for the sake of disagreeing; I couldn’t be sure. “You must decide whether or not you’ll see your father.”

I had known that was coming. Despite my suspicions, I hadn’t given it much thought. Drei wouldn’t have brought me here if Dad wasn’t going to be home. But could I face him? After he had told me I was the only reason he could stand missing Mom, I’d left him without a word. There wasn’t a note. I hadn’t called, or written, or anything in the years I had been gone. Nothing, in all my experience, could suggest how this might play out. He could hate me for all I knew. Then again, he might be worse than before, and that would be my fault; no matter what anyone else said, it would be my fault, because I’d known how he was. He’d told me how bad he was.

A light came on in what I remembered as my old room. A backlit figure passed by the window and I wondered if that wasn’t Dad. My mind immediately filled with images of him wandering my old room, everything tidied and left in place like some kind of monument to my memory; I wanted to go to him, to show him I was okay and well and deeply regretting the hurt I must have caused him.

But what if he asked me to stay. Part of me would want to say yes, but I had Drei to think about; I had myself, and everyone else…not to mention my movement. I had to lead that; no one else could. If he asked, though…I felt obligated to say yes just thinking about it. Should I face my dad, I knew I wouldn’t have the heart to deny him.

“No,” I whispered, taking in the empty windows, the lifeless exterior, the cold building that once had been my favorite place in the world.

Drei waited until I turned away before he took my hand and we left. He didn’t ask why, though he probably knew; I had a feeling I was thinking loud enough for him to know anyway. But it was the best thing he could have done. As much as I wished I could see my dad again and make it up to him, now wasn’t the time. I wasn’t sure there would ever be a good time. Maybe after this was over, I could start to make amends.

Eternal: Chapter Three, Part 3

It seemed hours passed before she came out of the room, followed by a voice demanding Mitchell enter. She glanced in my direction and then retreated into a corner of her own, defeated. Whatever happened hadn’t gone well. It had exhausted and drained her.

Though I could have asked what had transpired, I resolved to plot, to find a solution to this new predicament. I didn’t want to be the ingénue and Drei the villain. Valetta and Mitchell didn’t deserve to be punished. At least, I didn’t want them to be punished. I wanted everything to work out well. I needed Drei; and although I didn’t know what they would do yet, I needed Valetta and Mitchell as well.

I was determined to find some solution. There had to be one.

Mitchell exited after another extensive period of waiting. He moved as if to look in my direction, but changed his mind and leaned against the wall a few feet from Valetta. The demanding voice summoned Drei.

He didn’t seem to see anything as he disappeared into the room again; he just stared ahead as if indifferent to these events. Watching him leave, I felt hurt. Not because I was afraid for him, but because he didn’t look at me. Once I had told him lying hurt more than it helped. Right then, all I wanted was for him to lie to me. Tell me it would all work out, or not to worry; I’d even settle for a convincing smile. Anything to make the situation seem better than it was.

There was a crack in the wall across from me. I stared at it, wondering. I wondered what was happening in that room; why, when I tried to listen in, I couldn’t keep my focus; what would happen to me; why they would leave this crack in the wall. It wasn’t a very interesting place to look. Occasionally, a spider or two crept in or out but, other than that, it was just a black slice of void. It gave me somewhere to look, I supposed. Somewhere that wasn’t completely hopeless. Valetta and Mitchell were so worn and defeated it made me feel worse to look at them. Something about this place suggested speaking with them would be entirely inappropriate and punishable by some obscure Council ruling.

As I stared and thought, occasional ideas popped up that had nothing to do with what I was thinking. All of them, I realized after a while, were related to the Council and my movement. Studying the hole in the wall as if it held the answer to how these two were connected, I began to see how I might be able to spare all of us from punishment. Might being the key word. I’d have to do a ton of smooth talking and hope the Council bought into it.

Eternal: Chapter Two, Part 2

The next night, Drei went out to some meeting or another. He wouldn’t look at me as he left; Valetta’s words still rang in his head, filling him with undue guilt. Mitchell and Valetta were going out in search of entertainment and invited me along, but I didn’t feel much like spending time with them currently. I couldn’t figure out if it was because I blamed them, or if I was shamed and embarrassed. Either way, I wouldn’t have been much of an asset to their plans as I didn’t feel like smiling.

I sat, staring into space for the longest time. Eventually I stood and went to the window. There was still one experiment I had never tried, and now was as good a time as any. Besides, I hoped it would take my mind off of everything else.

Opening the window, I slid out onto the narrow ledge, concentrating on how I wanted to do this. It was similar to some things I had done in the past—like sending messages to people on a breeze. I just hadn’t done anything like this with a person. I had made the air into shapes and used those to move people, but never on a breeze. In my mind, it would be something like flying if I could pull it off.

I started pulling a gentle stream of air below my feet, part of my brain wondering if I should maybe start this closer to the ground instead of five stories up. Ignoring that questioning part of my mind, I jumped onto the breeze, pulling more air into it to accommodate my weight. Slowly going in circles, I practiced balancing myself; unlike before when it was more like standing on a solid object, this was akin to standing on a collection of strings. I could see the wispy strands beneath my feet and tried centering myself on enough of them I found some stability.

After circling for a while, I directed my breeze upwards over the rooftops of the apartment buildings and worked on balance while moving faster, turning, swerving, and even while changing position on my strands of air. I tried to keep over the rooftops, not too far off in case I fell. I did fall, quite a lot. But it seemed all too soon I heard Valetta and Mitchell on the street heading back to the building, so I followed suit and slipped through the window.

Taking a quick shower, I exited the bathroom to find them sitting on the couch, Valetta’s head resting on Mitchell’s shoulder, her eyes studying their linked hands. He was whispering something to her, though I doubted she heard a word of what he said. She just had that look about her suggesting her thoughts were elsewhere.

As I walked past them, she glanced up and asked. “What have you been up to all night?”

“Nothing much,” I said, forcing myself to come up with something more solid than that. “Thinking mostly.” I really wasn’t good at this.

She nodded, though, turning her dark eyes from me again. Mitchell smiled hopefully, obviously unsure what was wrong with her. Reading her thoughts, I found she still fought with herself over what was the best thing to do: reward Drei to my benefit or punish us both. She also struggled to find something for Drei to do to prove he deserved the former.

I shrugged to Mitchell. He didn’t really need to know if he didn’t already; it was one of those things she had to figure out for herself, despite how difficult it might be.

The next few nights followed a similar pattern: Mitchell and Valetta went out after I declined the offer to join them, Drei went out somewhere—I wasn’t sure where or what for, but he kept his distance from me, much to my dismay—and I would take my breeze and improve with what I would call flying.

My mom named every trick she learned and discovered, and I had picked up the habit over the brief time I had spent with her. Shortly after I was born, the government had taken her to one of their testing facilities, and she’d been there ever since. While working under Caroline, I had taken one for the team and been temporarily reunited with her and Nick. Then Drei came and took me away from that dreadful place and the crazy specialists, but she had opted to stay behind. I couldn’t begin to understand her logic; her mind wasn’t in the best of conditions, but that wouldn’t stop me being grateful for the time I had been given with her.

Vampiric: Chapter Nine, Part 8

Christmas morning was interesting. We gathered downstairs and presents were passed out, but no one moved to open them. Then Ian insisted her parents start, Caroline backing him. All of their gifts were thoughtful and beautiful, my own to them a set of 20 pairs of scented taper candles and two glass, box-shaped candle holders. Caroline opened hers next and politely thanked her parents for the cashmere sweaters. I didn’t know what to get her, so I gave her a certificate for a few spa days—not that I was insinuating anything.

Ian refused to open his before me, so I went next. He had given me a spa day package to the same place I had picked up Caroline’s. Her gift was a pearl necklace—“Because every girl needs one.” I was surprised her parents had also given me a gift—a tri-gold piece, the different gold strands entwined to create a thin rope necklace.

Ian opened his last, thanking me for the collection of crocheted caps, then laughing when he found Caroline had gifted him a similar set. Caroline had also given him a set of oil paints to accompany the large canvases from her parents. Well, it was the receipt for the canvases which were to be delivered to his loft sometime after the holidays.

While we were at the beach house, her parents were pleasant, but I had this strange sensation it was all a ruse. That while I walked on the beach—sometimes over the water—not all was as it seemed. I didn’t press Ian or Caroline for answers; I didn’t much want them. It seemed silly to add more problems to my plate before my own were taken care of.

Sometimes I wished I would ask, though. Every time I would talk to Caroline, she seemed tense, as though she was reeling in her stress and anger so as not to worry me. Even Ian seemed changed; he wasn’t as relaxed and carefree. I wondered if it was something her parents kept telling them. They never called me in to talk like they did those two. It made me grateful, though I felt slightly guilty.

When we left, Caroline confided that she was glad the rounds were done until Easter. Ian teased her that he didn’t have to return for another year and she slapped him on the arm for it. I was willing to bet he would have been smacked upside the head, but he was driving.

Whatever had happened while we were there was past, thankfully. I was discovering part of the peace I found came from their energy. Still able to feel the caress of the ocean breeze in combination with their typical energy, I felt much better. Things were slowly returning to normal.

Vampiric: Chapter Eight, Part 6

The night before the broadcast, Caroline, Ian, and I were hanging out at the office, talking. More, they were talking about when they grew up together and I was listening, joining in when something hilarious arose. It was sometime between the story of him trying to kiss her (and was slapped across the face) and Ian revealing her fiery college breakups—one of which actually involved fire—she asked, “Abs, is there anything you’ve wanted to do since—you know?”

I thought about it a moment. The only thing I could think of was what I had done in the past when things were so unbelievably screwed up it felt like I had no other choice. “Run away.”

She tapped her chin, thinking. “Well, I can’t condone running away, but I know somewhere you can drive really fast, if that helps anything.” Before I could say anything, she said, “Give it some thought. We’ll chat some more for now.”

That was when Ian cut in with the story of Caroline’s worst break up. According to him, she was so pissed about it, she nearly burned down the dorm. Of course she denied it was ever that serious, but he just kept nodding. So as payback, she spilled about his thirteen totaled vehicles—in the same year—though he insisted it was only eight. More stories followed with more disagreements on how true each was. It was entertaining to say the least, keeping a smile on my lips as I listened.

At the end of the night, Ian asked, “You sure you don’t want me to take her?”

“I’m sure.” Facing me, she said, “I’ll drive down there, but then it’s all you.”

“Where are we going?” I asked, glancing from one to the other.

“She’s taking you to the old highway,” Ian offered. “It’s not really used anymore, but it’s not in half bad condition.”

“And the cops aren’t usually over there, either. So the speed limit is whatever you want it to be.”

“I don’t know—”

“You wanted to run away?” Caroline held my gaze in such a way that threatened to pummel me if I wasn’t honest.

“Yes.”

“This is as close to it as I can condone,” she said, dragging me toward a Mercedes Benz. “So don’t say you don’t know or thank you or any of that crap until after you’ve driven. It’ll either help you or do nothing.”

With that, she sped away through town, turning the radio up as if anticipating complaints. I wasn’t going to try complaining, though. After how I had acted whenever she was doing something I didn’t want her to—even if it was for my benefit—it was reasonable she’d expect some kind of resistance.

Caroline didn’t pull over until we’d been heading down a dark road for a few minutes.

“Your turn;” she climbed out and half-jogged to the passenger side.

She watched as I buckled in and figured out where everything was. It was strange how desolate it was out here, especially because the city wasn’t that far away. Another strange thing was that I hadn’t driven in as long as I hadn’t had a purse.

I accelerated until I was at 60 miles an hour, figuring driving was kind of like riding a bike. “Faster,” she instructed and I obeyed, the fleeting feeling of danger filling my chest, quickly replaced by thrill.

The faster I went, the more I thought about what I was doing. Was I really trying to get away from him? I wanted to run, but what was I running from? Or was that all together the wrong question? Inside, it felt like I wasn’t running away, but running towards something. There wasn’t anything to run from, when I thought about it. If I wanted to fix anything, all of that was behind me, along with the only support system I had anymore.

What if I was running towards him? The version of him in my dreams, who loved me still? That reminded me of Mom and if I was running towards what I was supposed to do. Or Dad and what I had left behind all those years ago.

And then I had to ask myself if I even wanted any of that. When I had left, I left because I was alone and scarred by classmates. What I was supposed to do, what did that have to do with anything? Everyone had been talking about it for so long I believed it was important. But what use was it if I didn’t have anything left for myself afterwards? And did I really want him to love me again? Did I? After I had done everything he had ever asked of me and he kicked me to the curb as if I was just some beggar who was bothering him? Was that the kind of person I wanted in my life? Nick may have lied to me, but he would have listened. But how could I be sure about that even? I had thought Drei would have listened, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t even look at me; he didn’t even treat me like a person.

“Abriel!” Caroline was shouting beside me, breaking through my racing thoughts. Glancing at the speedometer, I couldn’t even tell how fast I was going. Everything was blurry, even the road in front of me. My cheeks were flaming and wet. “Pull over,” she said, rapidly hitting the dash with an open palm.

Hitting the brakes, I tried to stop the tears that were already overwhelming me. The moment the car was stopped, Caroline reached over and turned off the ignition as I struggled free from my seatbelt and jumped out of the car, needing air. Needing answers. In need of something I couldn’t have.

“Abs,” she called after me, but my feet just kept moving, stumbling along beneath me. It didn’t matter where anymore. The tears were too thick for me to see anything. “Abs—Abriel, stop,” she begged, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me to a standstill. I turned into her embrace and cried onto her shoulder. Rubbing my back, she whispered, “It’s all right. It’ll be all right.”

She didn’t ask, but later I would sit down with her and explain. It was the first time she didn’t press for answers about what was wrong, and it would be the first time I would really tell her anything. What I said was “I love him more than anything in the world, but loving him isn’t what’s hurting me. Wanting him back in my life is what’s hurting me. So, I’ve decided, no matter how much I want him to love me again, I can’t have someone in my life who can hurt me that much.”

Caroline reached across the table and squeezed my hand, wiping a tear from my cheek. “Then I’ll support you,” she said, her voice soft and comforting.

“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling the few tears I had left in me tumble down my cheeks. Despite being the cause of my problems, she gave me something I had been missing, regardless how many times I pushed her away. She gave me a friend.

Vampiric: Chapter Eight, Part 5

Despite Ian sleeping in the living room, and my promise to Caroline to stay healthy, I still couldn’t sleep. I honestly did try. The first couple of days after our conversation, I would lie down and close my eyes, wanting sleep to come. But it didn’t. At least not without Drei. And though I didn’t mind seeing him in my thoughts—not dreams since I wasn’t sleeping—I couldn’t stand to see him the way he appeared: furious and uninterested. I always opened my eyes before he started shouting at me about lying.

Instead, I used Ian’s presence as an excuse to experiment more. The first was a staircase of air down to the rooftop garden. I had used air to move objects, and even force people away, so solidity wasn’t a problem. What I wanted to see is if I was capable of concentrating while moving. The only problem I really had was that the staircase had to wrap around the enclosure to be tall enough to reach from my window to the garden three stories down. Though this did take a lot more concentration to hold it together, I worked with it for a few nights until I almost completely lost focus and fell a story.

In an attempt to make the trip shorter, I tried an elevator like form. Walking onto a platform of air, I would move it downward until I could step off. I used that mostly, though there was something else I was curious to try. Part of me was certain it wouldn’t work, though that didn’t stop me from wanting to try sometime. It just wouldn’t be soon.

Once in the garden, I would sit there, noticing how it didn’t quite smell like him. There weren’t enough kinds of flowers, nor were they in the right proportions. Nothing could compare to that scent. It was strange how he hadn’t been near his garden in years, but the odor was stained into his skin; it defined him. I wondered if I was the only one who smelled it or not, and if that was just memory or if he really did still radiate that luscious scent.

When I worked up the courage, I would also go down to the park and walk around, occasionally finding a grove or some enclosure to lie down in. Often times I would close my eyes and imagine he was beside me. That he wasn’t angry and he still loved me. It was those times I fell asleep and finally dreamed that something was right in my life. I would dream when I woke up, I was really just falling asleep to a nightmare.

The nights when I did sleep, I would wake sometime after sunrise and return to the apartment. Both Caroline and Ian were gone by then, so I would change and take a cab to work.

“What were you doing?” Caroline asked the first time it had happened.

“Sleeping.”

“Seriously?” She leveled her gaze at me, a slight threat behind her bronze eyes.

“Really.” She left it at that and didn’t ask again, content I was at least trying to comply with her request.

It wasn’t long until I finished re-filing everything in her office. I quickly became accustomed to her calling me in to explain where something was. We were all three extremely busy over those two weeks prepping for the next broadcast. Usually we had a month or so in between, but to set one up in half the time ended up being a lot more work than expected. Caroline even hired more help for between the broadcasts—granted it was only two more people who only knew their job.

She had me helping her research more information for her next speech. It was a pleasant distraction from the nightmare. We would sit up in her office sharing strange and bizarre bits of information that wound its way into our research. Occasionally, we even shared a laugh and would then pull Ian upstairs to join us.

It was weird to laugh again. There was still a hole where my heart had been, and I was still hurting, but by some miracle, I could laugh. Maybe it was a sign that I was reaching that point where it would stop hurting as much. I could hope, right?

Vampiric: Chapter Eight, Part 4

“You’re up,” Caroline said, pulling open the curtains to let a flood of sunlight in.

Shielding my eyes, I realized I was in her apartment. But that didn’t make sense. The day after the broadcast, I went to work as usual, and the last thing I remembered was trying to locate the pile of applications. “What happened?” I asked, sitting up.

“You tell me;” she sat at the foot of the bed, crossing her legs and interlacing her fingers; the tips of her fingers turned white. Her hair was thrown up into a sloppy bun and she didn’t appear to be wearing makeup.

Why did my head hurt? It had hurt since before I sat up, but I couldn’t figure out why. I wasn’t particularly susceptible to headaches. “I don’t know…the last thing I remember was working.”

“That’s the last thing you were doing—before you passed out.” She pressed her lips into a thin line.

“What?” How was that possible? I hadn’t even been tired…not that I remembered anyway. Though, if I had hit my head, that would explain the headache.

“When was the last time you slept, Abs?” Caroline asked.

Looking away, mentally preparing for whatever yell-fest my answer brought, I muttered, “I don’t remember.”

“Don’t mutter now,” she said sternly, her voice laced with the anger she was keeping at bay. “You’ve never had a problem speaking to me before, don’t you dare start now, Abs.”

“I don’t remember. Probably before—” His name stuck in my throat and I couldn’t force it out. It felt like if I did, I would start falling apart again. “Before I came here.”

“Jesus, Abs,” Caroline whispered, her visage falling. She reached a hand to her face, a finger resting across the bridge of her nose and her thumb on her left temple. “Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t sleep? I have sleeping pills and stuff; I used to have bouts of insomnia;” her body was tense with the effort required to restrain her anger. Caroline stood, beginning to pace along the foot of the bed. “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, okay?” I said, wishing she would just leave it alone. I had screwed up, great. We both knew it. Could we move onto item two of her agenda?

“What were you doing instead of sleeping?” She stopped her pacing to stare at me, hands on her hips. Some of her hair had fallen out of her messy bun and she batted it over her shoulder.

“I went to the park mostly, to walk around,” I said, avoiding her gaze, hoping she would get a clue and leave. Seriously, it wasn’t like I had starved myself. I avoided thinking how I wouldn’t have been able to make even that claim if she hadn’t ensured I ate on a semi-regular basis.

“Why?”

“I don’t know;” I shrugged. “When I got there, it felt like I was trying to find something.”

“Something or someone?”

I ignored the question; I didn’t know the answer anyway. When I didn’t say anything, she prompted, “What did you find, then?”

“The moon;” I met her bronze eyes for the first time that morning.

“The moon?” Her tone revealed her skepticism even as she struggled to keep her face neutral. I didn’t expect her to understand, and I wasn’t up to explaining. It was too complicated and involved too much that she wouldn’t—didn’t understand. Nothing I said could change that, just like nothing I said could make him listen.

Sitting at the foot of the bed again, she took my hands in each of hers. When I met her gaze again, the copper disks seemed to burn into me, trying to understand me while attempting to make me see reason.

“Abs, you need to sleep at night,” she said slowly as if speaking to a child about monsters in the closet. “You’re my secretary, and my friend, and I need you to be healthy. I can’t have you passing out for days on end—you’ve been out about two days if you were curious.” I hated how everyone thought I was curious about how long I passed out at one time. “So to stop you from sneaking out, I’m going to ask Ian to stay over the next couple of weeks. He’s a light sleeper, so don’t even try to leave. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now go back to sleep. I want you in top shape tomorrow and back to work. We have a broadcast in a couple weeks and I need my office back.” She smiled at that, as though teasing. I found it chellenging to smile back.

“No worries, Abs. I’ll have you smiling again in no time,” she said, squeezing my hand.

“Will it ever stop hurting?” I asked, tearing my gaze and hands away from hers. It was a question I had been tossing around for a long while. I wanted—no, needed—to know the answer. Every time I let myself try to sort through it, attempt coming to terms with everything that had happened, it was unbearably painful and I had to stop. I had to find some distraction, like work or lies.

“Will what stop hurting?” Her smile faded in her confusion. Then her features brightened and I knew she realized what it was I was asking. She hugged me but she didn’t otherwise respond.

“Will it?” I repeated, needing the answer. Now that it was in the open, it felt like I could function somewhat normally someday if I had the answer. If it was the answer I wanted to believe but didn’t seem able to.

Caroline replied, “You can only hope it will.”

So hope was the answer. It didn’t seem very promising, but it was better than being told no. Thinking back on those days, that year in general, hope was all I had—despite being in amazingly short supply. The future seemed a touch brighter so long as I was clinging to hope.

Vampiric: Chapter Eight, Part 3

The night of the broadcast, Caroline took Ian and me out to a restaurant for dinner, her way of ensuring I was going to eat something. She may not have noticed my sleeplessness, but she had noticed my eating habits. They discussed if everything had been triple checked and if there were enough cars to carry everyone. According to all the files I had looked over the past weeks, the group had expanded considerably—at least quadruple the size it had been at the first broadcast; we were large enough to be seen as a real force of reckoning.

We were back at headquarters before most had arrived, but a few people were milling about anxiously. Caroline reminded me I could work up in the office some more if I wanted, but Ian would fill in for me tonight. She didn’t believe I was emotionally ready for the task.

As I walked toward the stairs to the office, I noticed Drei standing in the shadows, hands buried in his pockets. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in front of him, feeling something for a change. Feeling anything was frightening and a relief.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, trying to keep the sudden press of tears at bay. “But nothing happened. I should have talked to you about it sooner, but I swear it’s not what you think.”

He looked over my head and then to the left as though scanning the thin collection of early birds.

“Listen to me,” I cried, forcing him to face me even if I couldn’t force him to see me, to acknowledge me. “You’re wrong, Drei. Okay? For once, you’re wrong.”

“I am not mistaken,” he said icily, refusing to meet my gaze.

A burst of air pinned him against the wall, and I was there, standing inches from him. Anger and hurt raced through my veins and logical thought failed me. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing, or planning to do. “You are. Just listen to me, will you?”

“There is nothing for me to hear.” He turned his face away from me.

“That’s not true!” I shouted, wanting to make him listen. He had looked at me when I started to assert myself, maybe he’d listen if I did something else. If I didn’t give him any other choice, I could force him to face me…see me…hear me. Maybe even believe me. Instead of just being stuck in his own head and his own pool of pity, too blind to see the damage he was causing.

Caroline interrupted, stepping between us and forcing me away from him.

“Just let it go, Abs. Let it go; it’s easier;” she ducked her head around to try blocking my view of him.

I fought to move around her, to close the gap she was creating, but it was half-hearted at best; I didn’t want to hurt her. “He needs to listen to me,” I cried, tears searing my cheeks.

“No, Abs. He doesn’t want to and you can’t force him,” she said sternly. “All you can do is leave him alone.”

“But I can’t,” I argued, wishing she’d go away. I didn’t need her to tell me what I was doing; I could figure that out for myself if I really wanted to. With the tears, though, the anger was draining quickly and, with it, the last of my energy.

She led me up to her office, sitting me down in the chair and squatting before me; she wrapped her hands around mine. “Work, if that’s what helps,” she ordered. She bit her inside cheek as if holding back some other choice comments. I guess she figured one of us had to rational and that wasn’t going to be me. “Trying to change him isn’t going to do anything except hurt you more.”

I tried to tell myself she didn’t know what she was talking about, but she was right. I had been fine feeling nothing, and now I felt like I was just in a new mess altogether. So nodding, I quietly said, “I won’t leave the office until you’re all gone.”

“Good,” she said, relief washing from her. “This is in your best interest, Abs. I’m not trying to be a bully, you know.”

“I know.” I wasn’t able to meet her gaze. I would have told her it was hard, start to let her help me a little, but I couldn’t. It seemed every time I let someone in, something went wrong. They either left me or told me to leave them, always after they hurt me.

Despite my earlier intention of doing some more sorting, I couldn’t bring myself to move from the chair. For a while I just stared at the stacks of paper everywhere, trying to figure out why I had approached him. What had I expected to happen? When I didn’t find an answer to that, I listened to the pre-show jitters downstairs, letting their words drown out my thoughts. It was easier than actually thinking. Thinking was dangerous for me. Who knew what I would do? I certainly didn’t.

After the cars all drove into the distance, I left the office, deciding to walk back to the apartment. The cool night air calmed me a little, and the hidden stars seemed to twinkle louder than usual, as if trying to comfort me; the moon watched, and I let her. When she felt the time was right, she would do something, I guessed. So I questioned how long that would be. How long until I could hold him again and know he loved me?

Vampiric: Chapter Seven, Part 5

Two months crept by. When Drei was out, time seemed to stop altogether. It was even worse than my imprisonment, but perhaps that was because I was alone at those times. Even when it had felt like Mom wasn't there mentally, at least someone else had been around. Now, I mostly spread out on the sofa under the window, staring past the ceiling to nothingness. That's when I did most of my thinking as well. Not about Drei, Nick, Lily, Mom, or anyone else. Just thinking about whatever came next. Whether that included working for Caroline again, or telling Drei that was it. I couldn't do it anymore. As easy as that would have been for me to say, I knew the easy way wasn’t always the right way. I had to pick whichever path felt more promising, that threatened fewer regrets afterward.

When Drei was around, he was typically reading the newspaper or some magazine and I was curled up next to him. Though this kind of closeness we had avoided previously, he didn't complain, or argue about it. From the way his entire body seemed to relax and melt into the couch at my touch, I could tell he had missed me and he was relieved to have me back. I hoped he could tell the feeling was mutual.

About a week after my return, Ian stopped by, fully equipped to take a blood donation. In ten minutes’ time he was out the door ready to set everything up, gone before Drei returned from wherever he had gone. A few weeks later, my supposed death was on page two of the newspaper. It seemed the plan had worked after all.

“Drei?” I asked one night about two months since my return.

“Yes?” He continued reading as I twirled bit of his shaggy hair around my finger.

“Should I continue working for Caroline?”

His shoulder tensed beneath my hand; he had avoided any mention of her since that day. I took it to mean something had happened in my absence he hadn’t agreed with, but I didn’t want to pry. However, to decide what to do, I needed to figure out what was best and I valued Drei’s opinion on the topic.

“I have to tell her something.” I wished he’d relax again but we had to discuss it sometime. “I just don't know. If I go back, there's the chance of a repeat. And if I don't, I could miss something that might help me.”

Sighing, he faced me. I could see the inner war behind his eyes, even though I couldn't understand why it was there. Whatever he had against Caroline warred with what he knew was the right answer. “Go back,” he said at long last. “The circumstances have not changed; you still need her. The only difference now is she needs you as well.”

“Well, I can't help her needing me;” I shrugged.

“You could have been really bad at your job,” he said, a teasing smile on his lips.

I kissed his cheek; “Then I would never be able to do that.”

He pressed his forehead to mine, grinning like a fool. “Touché.”

When he returned to reading his paper, I thought the moment had passed. My eyes closed and I rested my head on his shoulder, content with being near him. I had hoped that wouldn’t be all, but I had learned to accept the limitations of our relationship.

His paper rustled as it fell onto the coffee table. I felt his hand lift my chin, and his soft lips engaging mine. The hand on my chin quickly tangled itself in my hair while his other wound around my waist, pulling me closer. The fingers of one hand were buried in his hair, my other hand on his shoulder.

Our kisses were so different from our first kiss, more confident in their familiarity but also tinged with something akin to desperation in their desire. The strange warmth he emitted from time to time seeped into my skin as he held me tighter.

Both of us were breathless when we pulled apart. He still held me close, the hand in my hair twisting a curl.

“I love you,” I whispered, my heart racing. It had felt like forever since I had said those words to him; they felt exhilarated to be leaving my lips again to find his ears.

A smile cracked his features as he replied, “And I love you, Abriel.”

The moment seemed too perfect to end but, as they say, all good things must end.

While Drei was out the next day, Caroline called to arrange a meeting with me. Drei had informed her of my decision, and all she would say was that I was being promoted. After clicking the phone off, I went back to staring past the ceiling. This time, though, it wasn't to think about the future. It was to replay that kiss, relishing that feeling of being loved.

Vampiric: Chapter Seven, Part 4

“We are close to our destination,” Drei said.

Opening my eyes, I felt mildly refreshed, surprised to find I had slept some on the car ride. Rain tapped on the car windows and the swish of the windshield wipers seemed to want its own part in the melody. Caroline sat behind Drei, her crimson hair pulled into a French twist, a few strands held in place by a black lily pin. She had curled some of her hair to the side to give the illusion of wispy bangs. A set of pearls dangled from her neck, accentuating the cut of her little black dress. She had even donned a set of stockings and pearl hued slingback heels. There was no doubt she could pull off the uptown look. Better than some of the people I used to know, even.

“You look nice.” I wrapped my arms around my knees.

Her bronze eyes swiveled to me. “I do what I can,” she shrugged, allowing a small smile. “Uh, how long?”

“Five minutes if traffic stays the way it is;” Drei glanced in the rearview.

Whether it was the rain or something else, I felt sleepy. If we were that close, though, I needed to stay awake.

“So what else do you have to tell us?” I asked, needing some distraction to focus on.

“Well, Drei will take you upstairs, and when he goes in, Ian will come out to drive me back. But we need you to stay home for a couple of months, Abs,” she stated, staring out the window. “Drei, Ian will stop by some time to get some blood from Abs. I'd ask you, but Ian's doing all the work anyway, so it's best if he has his hands on it when he needs it.”

She likely couldn’t appreciate the intelligence in that decision. Not that I didn’t trust Drei, but, who knew what could happen? We were already pressing our luck; we didn’t need something else to press it further.

“What does he need her blood for?” His shoulders tensed; there was an edge to Drei’s voice, and a touch of something else I couldn't describe. I would have said protective, but I had heard him protective before and that wasn’t it.

“He's setting up an accident scene. It comes down to this: Abs, we need you. You're probably the third most important person in this project. I need you working with me, but you can't with everyone looking for you. So hang low, Ian will set up a scene by the docks. Bodies disappear there all the time, but the blood will ID you. Once they determine you're dead, and after a few weeks of dragging the bay, you'll be free. You can work.” She gazed at me again, her hands twisted around each other in her lap. “That's if you want to. I can't force you; but the least I can do is free you from the wanted pages.”

Caroline was asking a lot of me and we both knew it. Returning to work for her would mean risking a repeat. I gazed up at what I could see of Drei. My initial involvement was largely due to him, so my continuation would be also. “Can I get back to you?”

“Of course;” she nodded slightly, a hint of relief lacing her voice. “Take your time.”

“It sounds like quite the plan,” I said, wanting a subject that would make her act more the way I was used to. “Thanks for caring so much.”

Caroline waved it off, staring out the window again. “As I said, you're the third most important person. I need you; that and I can't even begin repaying you for taking the fall.”

Part of me wanted to tell her she didn't need to repay me, but the part missing Mom wouldn't hear it. If I had never gone, nothing concerning her would have changed. Since I had, it felt like everything I did had to be done just as much for her as for myself.

The car stopped, then. As Drei turned off the ignition and climbed out, Caroline reached to the front passenger seat, holding a floppy black sun hat as she sat back, motioning for me to sit next to her.

“Hold the blanket closed like this,” she instructed, wrapping the material around my shoulders, twisting it at my bosom and placing the gathered material in my hand. “And Drei's going to lead you in, so you can just keep this down far enough people will assume you're ill.” She combed my hair with her fingers in an attempt to make it unkempt. As she placed the hat on my head, her lips pressed against mine briefly.

I pulled away from her, trying to convince myself it was a mistake; she hadn't really just kissed me.

Drei opened the passenger door then, and Caroline smiled vaguely at him, as if lost in a universe of her own. It made me wonder if it hadn’t been a mistake, but I still wasn’t even sure if it had really happened.

“Ian borrowed some of your clothes so he could look like you. He promised to wash and return them,” she said as if she had just remembered.

“Come,” he directed, ignoring her, pulling me out of the car to follow. I pulled the front of the hat down over my face, still trying to figure out what had happened. It didn't make sense that she would kiss me. Neither did it make sense that Drei was so perturbed currently. Then again, he'd been a little snippy when Caroline first told him to drive.

Ian passed us on the way out, tipping his hat to us. Once he was past, I kept my head down, deciding nothing had happened in the car. It was easier to ignore it and write it off as a trick of the mind than admit anything had occurred, because that would lead to asking why it had. There was an answer I wasn’t sure I wanted.