Bed of Tears

Pull the blanket tighter.

Feel its warmth, like a

friendly reminder the world has not ended.

For it hasn’t.

Classes continue as if

nothing has happened and no one could

bother to notice if something had.

This room is safe.

Untouched by anyone uninvited,

it is the one place left to curl up and cry.

Dying could be an option

as well, considering how bleak everything looks

from the bed.

No one seemed particularly shocked

when it happened, when he gave up

with a curse and all capital letters.

His temper had been bound to flare,

but maybe that had been the goal all along?

Thousands of miles had been filled

with yelling, fighting, a green-eyed monster

over something that never happened,

and probably never would have.

And when the distance was reduced,

silence unforgivingly invaded and any

love felt, lost.

Turn the pillow to the

cooler side, for surely it has dried

by now. Let it soak up the tears that make this bed.

I have made it,

and until some saving grace determines otherwise,

here I shall lie, alone.

800 Some Miles

A screen is the gateway across 800 some miles.

In an instant the distance is lost.

Separate time zones collide,

Though my solitary surroundings never change.

A tiny camera,

The circumference of a pencil,

Becomes a window into a world

Of a child laughing, oversimplified songs

Accompanied by overacting,

And you, overflowing with affection.

And though voices and images

Can travel the distance,

We oft opt for a keyboard and screen.

Your voice becomes the tapping of keys.

Your face preserved in snapshots

To be drunk and memorized.

Your words, which can be measured,

Perfected in the time before clicking

The beveled send button,

Remain raw and very much you.

And across 800 some miles,

Through a screen, keyboard, device,

Your life and love melds with mine,

Encased in an embrace

Of meant to be,

Engaged to be,

It is.

A Daughter and a Man

For years, I knew I had been missing

something, though I had learned only the fear

of being forgotten or taken by the cruel touch

of a man who wanted nothing but tears.

And though a part of me continued longing

for love, security, I remained just someone’s daughter.

Then I met a man with a young daughter,

not yet two years old, her mother missing

from her life. A woman who left his heart longing

for someone faithful who wouldn’t give him reason to fear

he gave his love in vain. Someone who wouldn’t leave tears

in her wake, destroying everything she might touch.

Meeting by a virtual waterfall, how could we touch

each other so profoundly? How could his lovely daughter

not be terrifying, but impelling? There were days when tears

danced down my cheeks as we learned each other. Missing

him was rare as we filled each day with conversation and the fear

it wouldn’t work, despite our love, and we’d be left longing

for the other, settling for another, someone closer. Longing

for a person miles away whom we could not touch

and could only dream of meeting. But fear

festered in my mind. I couldn’t be there for his daughter

and be the mother she needed. Not when I would be missing

her first time reading by herself, the tears

from a scuffed knee at daycare, or days indoors when tears

fell from the sky before she’s too old to know more than longing

to play outside. I would be no better than her mother, missing

her life. He was comforting, emoting tender touch

I imagined I could feel. We would wait and see, but his daughter

would love me when we met, I should have no fear.

He has a way of washing away every trace of fear

and making it seem silly. His voice soothes away tears

caused by feelings of inadequacy. His daughter

is fortunate to have a father who will not leave her longing

for a mother, whose love is evident in his tone and touch.

He’s filled my soul where something had been missing.

There is no fear in meeting my love’s touch,

only in missing him when I depart. But I have been longing

to meet him and his daughter, and hope my leaving sees few tears.

Vampiric: Chapter Seven, Part 8

Drei dropped his paper on the coffee table, turning his gaze to me. “How was your meeting today?”

I turned my head from where it rested on his shoulder to return his gaze. “Well, I’m her secretary now.”

“That is quite the promotion.”

“Yes, it is. Apparently, it means I’m privileged to more organizing information.”

Pressing his forehead to mine, he asked, “How do you want to celebrate your success?”

For a moment I didn’t say anything, loving the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. I tried to think of something he might enjoy as well, but all I could think about was kissing him. It was such a strong urge, I thought I understood how she must have felt before pushing her out of my thoughts.

“Kiss me,” I murmured. “Like you did a couple nights ago.”

A devilish grin spread across his lips and I realized he had been hoping I would demand as much. “I cannot recall how it went,” he teased.

“Well, this hand was here;” I placed his right hand on my back. “And this hand was here;” I set his other hand over my shoulder in my hair. “My hands were here, and—”

Our lips met, tender and lovingly. It seemed to infused with the adoration and amazement we shared for each other. I felt enveloped by him—protected, trusted, desired. In his arms, his lips to mine, the emotions washing over me were a reminder of how far I had come in the five years we had known each other, and how far we had come together. I would do anything in the world for Drei—including working with Caroline—if it meant these emotions would never fade.

Then there was music. Unexpected, but the soft piano tune fit the moment so perfectly, it took me a moment to realize it wasn’t supposed to be accompaniment; it was Caroline.

“What is it, Abriel?” Drei asked, sounding dazed.

I motioned to him to wait a moment as I flipped open the phone. “Yes?”

“I need to see you,” Caroline’s voice demanded. I was glad she was back to being bossy, despite how pleasant it had been to see a different side of her. “Where are you?”

“At home;” I started to regret agreeing to this, considering what it had interrupted.

“Your apartment, great. Ian will be there in a little bit. Wait outside.”

The line clicked dead before I could argue. I dropped the phone back into my new purse.

“What is it?” Drei appeared behind me, making me jump.

Turning around, I smiled, hoping it was convincing enough. “Caroline,” I said, though I knew that explained nothing at all. “Part of being secretary is when she calls, I go.”

“I see…” His disappointment was far too apparent, considering he usually didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve. It was tearing me apart to leave him; I didn’t want to, but he’d told me to go back to working for her, and that’s what I’d done. We would have to take whatever came because of it.

“I wish I could stay—”

“Then stay,” he said, following me to the door. There was an edge to his voice that I hadn’t heard him use towards me in a long while.

I stopped, midway slipping on my flats, and faced him. “I can’t.” I managed to say though the words felt like bricks on my tongue. Why couldn’t he understand? I needed him to understand, to make this easier.

“Then leave already.”

I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

Drei turned away from me, sulking back to the couch. I hated more than anything to leave him like this, but what choice did I have? If I didn’t leave, I was pretty sure that meant I was fired. Without waiting for him to act his usual self and say something to make everything all right—for the time being, at least—I left the apartment, stepping outside just in time to see Ian pull up to the curb.

“Interrupt anything?” he asked, speeding down the half-empty street.

I thought about lying and saying nothing, but I found myself saying, “Yes,” a little more bitterly than I had intended.

He chuckled at me, saying, “You’ll get used to it.”

Even though he’d been doing this a lot longer and ought to know, I doubted him. I couldn’t see how I could ever be accustomed to leaving Drei the way I had. It didn’t seem like a good habit to develop.

Vampiric: Chapter One, Part 4

We walked to a classy club with live entertainment, dimmed down lights, and tables tucked into various nooks and crannies. It gave off cozy, romantic vibes. I let those fill me and replace what was left of my nerves.

“You have been extremely diligent in your studies,” Drei said loud enough to be heard over the music. “I think it is time you learn something different.”

“Like what?” I asked, opening my water bottle and taking a drink.

“Classical dance;” he said it with a straight face, which, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to muster myself.

“My mother made me take ballet as a kid.” I grimaced at the memory of my first recital. “It wasn’t pretty.” Pretty really wasn’t the word for it. It had been more like disastrous. Ballet had definitely not been my forte, and I doubted much had changed since then.

“Not ballet;” he smiled, no doubt imagining me in one of those ridiculous tutus falling center stage. “Nor anything of that sort. I meant ballroom, mostly.”

“Like the quickstep and waltz?” I had always wanted to learn ballroom, but the only time my mother condoned it was for debutante balls, and that was mostly the waltz.

“Exactly.”

“Can we start now?” The house band sank into a ballad.

Without waiting for a reply, I stood and pulled Drei along after me. He seemed shocked, and if I stopped to think about it, I probably would have been, too. On the hardwood dance floor, we struck the typical waltz position—it had been so long since I had danced a waltz, he had to correct my posture. At least he was nice about it, smiling bemusedly. It was fortunate the man leads since the variation Drei led me through was different from the ones I had learned.

“Do not look down,” Drei instructed the few times I peeked to make sure I really was following him. He would smile when my eyes returned to his. In those moments, we seemed to be in a separate world, only the music able to slip through. It was enough to make me grateful I had agreed to join him.

When the song ended, Drei smiled approvingly, as though he thought teaching me dancing would be an interesting endeavor. He also seemed to want to kiss me, and tell me I was beautiful or brilliant or some other compliment. I wanted to kiss him too, but not here.

A few couples gawked at us, as though dancing something less vulgar than “the grind” was new to them. Drei either didn’t care or didn’t notice, so I decided not to mention it. It was paranoid of me to think they were taking a special interest in us for other reasons. I realized Drei was right in thinking I needed to go out more. Especially since that was the first thing that came to mind when people looked at me.

On the street, we walked close to each other. I wished it were safer for us to be together and he could put his arm around my shoulders or hold my hand or something. But he couldn’t, and I had to be okay with that.

“You folks having a good night?” a man asked, approaching us slowly.

Drei didn’t stop, completely ignoring the man. As we passed, something about him seemed strange. He was decked out in black cargo pants and a turtleneck, with a black stocking cap pulled partially over his ears in a poor attempt to hide the brilliant red hair beneath. He smiled at me, winking as though I had guessed right and won a prize. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what the prize was.

However, I laid a hand on Drei's forearm, stopping him. His amethyst eyes held mine for a moment, and he understood what I was beginning to. The man was our contact. Whether that was a good thing or not, he was the rabbit we were supposed to follow.

“C wanted me to pick you two up together; didn’t say it would be so difficult,” he said, a slight Irish accent coming through in his speech. “I’ve seen you plenty enough times,” he explained, nodding at Drei. “But you, love, are a hard one to pin down.”

“Where are we going?” I asked, anxious from his rambling.

“Into the car,” he replied, jerking his head in the direction of the nondescript vehicle behind him. He added, in response to my next question, “You’ll see when we get there.”

Drei squeezed my hand briefly in assurance this guy couldn’t do anything to us. It seemed to say we just had to jump through whatever hoops Caroline sat before us. If we could do that, we were in.

“Are you ready?” he whispered, regarding me carefully.

“I trust you,” I said, just as softly. It was the only true answer I had. I wasn’t sure I was ready, or that this was the right thing to do, but I trusted him. Had for years. That was all of which I could be sure.

Sitting in the back seat of the car, watching the nightlife fly by, I realized this was what Drei wanted. He wanted us in on everything, because you can only learn so much from history. I wouldn’t find the answers I needed in old books about past times. If I was going to succeed, I would need firsthand experience with someone working toward change.

I would need Caroline.

Vampiric: Chapter One, Part 3

After the meeting with Caroline, Drei had me quit my job, warning me that working for Caroline would be a full-time occupation in and of itself. Luckily, my manager hadn’t yet posted the new schedule and assured he would edit me out of it. Though he wouldn’t openly admit it, I knew Drei was grateful I was done with waitressing.

I spent most of my workless half-week buried in books, studying the lesser-known European Revolutions of 1848 and others. The drudgery of studying figure after historical figure caused me to go into a stupor of sorts. My eyes read what lay before me as my brain stored it in some dark corner, but my conscious thoughts were elsewhere. Primarily, where was the contact Caroline had promised?

Drei was pondering the same, though he would never admit it. Admitting it would be the equivalent of saying he believed I had fumbled the meeting altogether.

“Would you like to join me?” Drei questioned, sitting across the living room from me.

I marked my spot in the reading to look up at him. He was dressed in a simple black t-shirt and slacks. His coat was still hanging by the door. Usually when Drei left, I was finishing up at work, so he had never asked before.

“Don’t you have something you’re supposed to do—someone to meet?” I convinced myself I asked because I didn’t want to be more of a burden. No matter how much he insisted I wasn’t, I couldn’t help feeling he lied.

“Not tonight.” He wasn’t lying, which was, or course, a good thing. But his eyes were sad and there was something like worry in them. Worry for me.

“I’m fine, Drei.” I smiled to assure him.

“Abriel,” he sighed, shaking his head and sitting down across from me; he leaned forward on his elbows. “You are the most perplexing person I have ever known.” Though this wasn’t necessarily positive, I saw the hint of a smile on his pale lips. “You wanted to leave, so you left. But you have yet to really leave. You have merely traded one hideaway for another.”

I sighed, knowing he was right. Of course he was right. But it was a lot more complicated than he made it out to be. “I had a job,” I reminded him, hoping it would constitute as not hiding.

“It was a start, a small one,” Drei conceded, but I knew it wasn’t what he meant. “I will protect you, Abriel. No bounty hunter will take you away so long as I am with you. You have nothing to fear.”

“I know that, Drei.” I had thought my life would just return to the way it had been, except with a different town and different crowd. But the moment we reached the city, I wasn’t so sure. Suddenly, it seemed like everyone was a bounty hunter in disguise and would try to drag me off to some awful fate. Outside of work, I made excuses—which Drei unintentionally helped to provide—so as to not have to leave. After so much freedom, the city seemed like a prison in and of itself.

“Come out tonight.” He crossed the room and pulled me to my feet. His pale amethyst eyes were bright and excited. It seemed he was certain this was what I needed, and perhaps it was.

“Okay,” I whispered, nervous and unsure but not wanting to disappoint him. He had done so much for me; some days it felt like I never did anything for him in return. But I could do this.

His lips upturned in an infectious smile, a smile that seemed to burn away the uncertainties in my mind. “I will wait for you to change;” he kissed my cheek.

Away from him, my nervousness about a night on the town returned, but now I felt like it was about time as well.

My wardrobe had expanded slightly since we had arrived to include clothing other than just blue jeans, sweaters, and shirts. From my closet, I pulled out a white, off the shoulder blouse and a black chiffon skirt, pairing them with black ballet flats. As I brushed through my somewhat unruly hair, I looked at the angel necklace Drei had given me a few years back at Christmas. Impulsively, I put it and the matching bracelet on. I left the room, my former nerves now a bubble of excitement.

Drei was stalking around the living room, his features betraying his nerves, tight and furrowed; if he was the sort to chew his cheek, he probably would have done that as well. He seemed to be having second thoughts about his insisting I join him.

“Let’s go,” I said, smiling. I grabbed our coats and handed him his before he could change his mind or I lost my nerve.

When he looked up, his eyes glowed warmly with love and adoration for what they saw. He reached out and touched the necklace, as though he couldn’t believe I was finally wearing it and it completely changed the way I looked to him.

“You are gorgeous, Abriel,” he whispered, pushing a stray curl behind my ear.

All I could do was smile and revel in the fact he had chosen me. He loved me.

“Let’s go,” I repeated, though I had no idea where he was planning to take me. It didn’t seem to matter much anyway. Not as long as he was there.

Elemental: Chapter Ten, Part 1

Chapter Ten: Wolfish Sheep

New Years came with less pizzazz than Halloween but, like all beginnings, it had a way of staying memorable.

Waking up that morning, I hadn’t realized what was coming, or even what had passed, and it hadn’t occurred to me the old year was over but not yet out. It was raining and a miserable day, but memories never let you stay down long, especially not on New Years.

My year was bittersweet at best. I loved Nick, lost Drei—in a sense—and rebuilt a life when I wasn’t sure there was anything left to start over. It seemed impossible Nick had only arrived ten months ago, or that already we were so close. Neither did it seem likely Valetta and I were best friends, confiding everything—though not always saying it aloud. My relationship with the kids blossomed, but suffered slightly due to Nick. I was like their temp mom: here to kiss the scrapes better, dry the tears, and work out disagreements. It was amusing, to Nick, anyway. I took it seriously.

Two things I couldn’t manage to keep from my thoughts long were the fact something might be wrong with Drei, and Jake’s warning. I had said everything because it had felt right; but the more I thought about it, I wasn’t ready to give up anything; not Nick, Drei, the kids, Valetta, or my life. None of it. But I sensed judgment on my promise was closing in. There was something in the air that made me anxious, even through the downpour.

Elemental: Chapter Nine, Part 4

Halloween sprang upon us like a black cat possessed. The kids were ecstatic with the annual party the vampires threw for them: costumes, candy, apples, and haunted house included. I reveled in watching Nick jump at a murderer popping from behind a wall or Freddie laughing eerily through a cardboard boiler room. He complained it wasn’t fair I knew what was coming and didn’t share. I thought it was plenty fair, telling him so before he’d kiss me to stop the words. I wonder if he realized that was just more incentive.

After the children slipped into whatever dreams awaited them, Nick and I slipped away into the forest, determined to explore new, unoccupied haunts.

“Nick?” I called out, losing sight of him among the trees. He had been there one moment and not the next.

When he didn’t reappear, smiling to assure me he wasn’t far off, I continued on in the direction in which I last saw him go. The branches bounced harmlessly away from me, almost as though they were leading me. To what, I wasn’t sure.

Opening up my senses—easy now as I had been practicing—I could hear someone just ahead. I froze when voices drifted through the greenery.

“—have tried, Valetta,” Drei’s voice sang out, distressed. “Every day and there is no chance.”

“Stop trying so hard, Drei,” Valetta scolded, and I wondered what exactly was so taxing.

“It is not as easy as you make it out to be. There are times and places for these things,” Drei asserted, and I realized he was losing this disagreement. Already his voice had a defensive edge to it.

“Do yourself a favor, Drei, and stop thinking through every little thing,” she whispered harshly. I couldn’t remember a time she had ever been so angry, especially with Drei. “Just say it already.”

“I—”

“If he asked her to leave tonight, she would be gone forever and you would be more miserable than you are now. Is that what you want?”

“Leave, Valetta,” Drei sneered. “You have no right to bother me here.”

“Oh, right; it is your garden. Your secret place that was supposed to help you remove the hate and fear in your—”

“Go!” Drei barked, his voice cracking.

I ran, terrified and curious and ashamed. Valetta had said no one stood up to Drei, but there she was doing just that. And what was wrong with Drei? On top of that, why hadn’t I thought about whose garden it was? I mean, it should have been obvious as it smelled just like him. No wonder he was so livid that night. We had disturbed him where he was supposed to have peace, or semblance of it.

“Hey,” Nick said as I plowed into him, both of us tumbling to the ground. “Where are you going so fast?”

“Trying to find you,” I lied, but feeling somewhat better now that he was by me. “Don’t lose me again.” I hit his chest lightly with the back of my fingers.

“Not a chance.” He helped me up but didn’t let go of my hand. “Come on. I’ve found a place even better than the garden.”

A few minutes later he turned to me. “It’s right past those pine trees.”

“You want me to go first?”

“Not afraid are you?” His eyes gleamed in the dark.

“It’s not some steep cliff you want me to step off of, is it?”

“You aren’t that lucky.”

“I guess I’ll just have to trust you,” I said, starting away cautiously. Just beyond I could hear running water and the excited buzz of lightening bugs.

“Go on,” he encouraged, a pace behind me. “If a cliff has managed to appear, I’ll catch you.”

Pushing aside the tree limbs, I saw what he had meant. Though I wasn’t so tickled about the babbling brook—now that I knew what water meant for me—it fit gorgeously in with the open field. I imagined deer running through with their fawns during summer and perhaps cubs frolicking in springtime. I doubted there were any bears or deer around though. I hadn’t seen any in the year I had been there, but you never know.

“Knew it,” Nick said, standing beside me again. “You watch too many chick flicks and now you can’t help but love scenery like this.”

“What’s wrong with that? You are the one who keeps bringing me to these places.”

“If I had known…” He shook his head, wearing that crooked smile of his.

“But see, you did,” I teased, smiling and tapping a finger against the center of his chest.

“There’s an amazing view tonight,” Nick said, changing the subject as he pulled me closer to the brook. “The moon is beautiful;” he stopped and wrapped his arms around me.

“It is;” my arms wound their way around Nick, my head resting on his shoulder. I wondered if Drei was also watching the moon. “A shooting star,” I whispered, following the streak through the sky.

“Make a wish.”

Closing my eyes, I made my wish, praying it would come true.

“What did you wish for?” I questioned without thinking.

“Even I know not to ask that,” Nick said, laughing. His jade eyes glowed as he looked down at me. “You’re beautiful.”

“You always tell me that;” I rested my head on his shoulder again, not wanting to kiss him. I couldn’t explain why, but I didn’t feel like we needed to.

“Abriel,” he gasped, my name barely even a breath.

“Yes?”

“I thought I saw a witch fly by the moon,” he said slowly, as if he was unsure of what he had seen and second guessed himself as he spoke.

“Do you really believe in those tales?”

He smiled down at me, a secret in his eyes. I knew he did, and I half-heartedly believed it as well. It was hard not to believe in a bit of all of that after so much had happened. But lesson one with Nick: never pass up an opportunity to tease. It always kept things interesting and humorous.

“Maybe one day you’ll fly across the moon and blow a kiss down to me,” he suggested, breezing past my remark. “Or you could take me with you.”

“I’ll never fly,” I told him, shaking my head. If only he knew…but I couldn’t just tell him. I didn’t know if he would tell someone else, or even how he would react. “You have to have a light heart to fly,” I reasoned, ignoring his questions as to what I meant. That answer was just too complex.

Elemental: Chapter Nine, Part 1

Chapter Nine: Free Falling

I woke up hearing Mikael moving around in the next room, forgetting for a moment I had fallen asleep in Nick’s arms, and he in mine. Nothing had happened; it had surprised me—to be quite honest—he was so respectful of my wishes, considering how Richie had been.

Nick sighed in his sleep, his heart beating against my cheek.

In that moment, I knew I had chosen correctly. There was nothing I would trade for that morning. His heart pulsed steadily, an arm draped protectively about me. I didn’t regret my decision and it felt like, for the first time, I had done something right.

***

Summer passed in a flurry of new love and hopes. The children indulged in swimming and forgot their games of colder weather. Most days, they were required to do lessons—Valetta’s idea to do “summer sprint sessions” as she put it. The reasoning being they were all talented learners, and deserved more freedom during the day. During the summer, they would give up three hours after lunch to study various subjects. Two hours after dinner were reserved for studying and homework. It really was ingenious the way they had set it up, and all busywork was practically eliminated. The only reason I could grasp why they studied in the summer was to ensure the children were inside during the worst of the heat; otherwise, that part didn’t quite make sense to me.

Nick and I weren’t required to attend since we were both high school free. We spent those hours exploring or sunbathing—more I was sunbathing and he was splashing around nearby before pulling me in with him. I had never known summer to be so full of happiness. There was not one moment I was distressed or felt as though I had betrayed Drei. It was shocking, considering how I had expected to feel.

As far as I could tell, Drei didn’t care. He wasn’t around much anyway, which I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. But I guessed he could listen once in a while.

Elemental: Chapter Eight, Part 2

I jumped away from Nick, instantly recognizing the voice. I could have sworn my heart stopped two beats too long. Moving was probably my greatest mistake; Drei went straight for Nick.

“You have no right to be here,” Drei said, his voice deep and sending tremors through my skin.

Nick was shaking, but his jaw was set in defiance. “I have just as much right to be here as you do;” he held Drei’s harsh gaze steadily.

“Not with her;” Drei’s hand jerked in my direction.

“She likes to be here with me.” Nick stood, falling just short of Drei’s height. I felt horrible he was in such a position, but even worse they were fighting. My two favorite people in the world—so similar, and so different—were fighting because of me. “Which makes sense since I don’t go around bullying everyone and scaring the kids shitless,” Nick continued, his green eyes seeming to darken.

“I at least know better than to take advantage of a girl,” Drei growled. “You have no idea what she has been through. You are both poor judges of what is right for her.”

My sense of injustice had stirred and overcome my fear of Drei’s anger; Nick wasn’t some mindless hooligan. But Nick jumped in before I could.

“From the sound of it, you don’t know her at all.”

“I know her better than you,” Drei countered; something in the way he held himself changed, as though he became taller and more hunched; he emitted a threatening hiss, advancing on Nick. I didn’t know what to do, let alone how to help; I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening.

Nick backed away from Drei, his eyes wide in horror. When they had circled around, Nick took off running just as Drei lunged for him. The leaves and flowers jostled noisily in their sleep, protesting at being disturbed in such a manner.

Seeing Nick chased off like a lout awoke such a vivid passion I couldn’t see for a moment. Whatever was happening, it wasn't right.

“What was that?” I demanded, standing and rising to my full five feet six inches.

“It is for your own protection,” he whispered, turning quickly away from me.

“Don’t you dare;” I spun him around, adrenaline pumping through my veins so quickly I feared if I stopped I’d fall down. “Why don’t you want me to be happy?”

“You do not know what will make you happy. As I said, you are not capable of judging such things currently.”

“You don’t know that!” The night replayed in my mind from the peaceful chatter to the abrupt interruption and ensuing madness.

“What would make you happy, Abriel?” he asked, quickly adding, “Besides Nick.”

For a moment I wanted to say Drei, but immediately felt guilty. Valetta had been kind to me the last month or so; she was really making an effort to be friendly. She knew about Nick, though I never admitted anything; and I knew about Drei, though she kept equally quiet.

Being forced to think allowed the anger to blow over. I felt exhausted and weak in the knees, but he wouldn’t have the satisfaction of my needing him now.

“You should just be happy for me,” I said softly, feeling tears close at hand. “Nothing I do will ever be enough to repay you for what you've done for me, but that doesn't give you the right to make my decisions. I will not give him up just because you don’t like him.”

Drei stiffened and in the next instant his face contorted, amplifying every crease in his frowning visage as he loomed over me, his fangs glinting in the moonlight. “You will not see him,” he seethed, but I wasn’t afraid after the initial shock of the change; I had almost forgotten he was a vampire, but now the truth was before me and I couldn’t imagine ever choosing him over Nick; Nick wouldn’t try scaring me into submission, let alone threaten me.

“If you want me to be happy,” I stated calmly, turning away from him, “leave me alone.”

I felt the air thicken in his disappointment, whether it was directed at himself or me, I couldn’t be sure, but I wasn’t sticking around to find out.

Elemental: Chapter Eight, Part 1

Chapter Eight: Waiting for Peace

The garden was our date locale most nights. During the day, we’d sit together talking about random things or join in the games. The children accepted Nick because I did, but they were wary of him, as if his skin or breath were poisonous. I had asked why, one day, and they all pretended to know nothing about it.

Some nights we sat and shared the past, his arms curled around me to protect from the cool weather. Other nights, our chatter was dispersed between kisses and laughter over funny faces and even more amusing jokes. I didn’t know what you could call what we had. For me, I wasn’t sure if I would call it love; but it was such an extreme affection, I knew he wasn’t just a friend I regularly kissed. Nick never said what it was for him; the look in his eyes before he kissed me, the crooked curve of his lips when we were together during the day, or the way he’d hold my hand said it all.

I warred with myself whether it was fair to Nick that I didn’t know how I felt about him. When I was with him, none of it seemed to matter. Perhaps it was my power or some other force I wasn’t aware of that caused me to feel as though he was part of me, and I was part of him. That every time our lips touched or his hand slipped into mine, we were melding together.

The month passed as such—a not-so-secret relationship and a series of private meetings. When Drei happened to be around while we were playing games, I couldn’t help but notice he always glared at Nick. I had a sinking feeling that the thought of us together was more dangerous than bounty hunters. At least in the case of Drei. Perhaps that had some impact on my uncertainty.

One night, I sat in Nick’s embrace, my arms crossed loosely and resting lightly on his. My head lay on his shoulder, my eyes closed as he spoke to me. Not because I was tired, but just because his voice had a different quality that way.

“One day, Kit was running around with Kate’s doll, her favorite one,” he started, his voice excited as he launched into the tale. “Kit insisted it was hers and she should be able to play with it and the white jeep Mom had bought her for Christmas. Of course, Kate was crying when she came to me; our parents were at some company party my dad had to attend. When I yelled for Kit to bring the doll with her, she showed up sniveling and saying she was sorry. They were in preschool and I guess they hadn’t learned about sharing yet. She kept muttering apologies; Kate only plugged her ears and started yelling that she’d never forgive her again.”

“Oh dear. What did you do?” I had a feeling I knew what he would say already. It was really similar to another story I’d heard before.

“We sat down together, Kit still crying a little because she had been found out, Kate still stubbornly pouting, the picturesque victim. I asked Kate why she wouldn’t accept the apology, and she insisted that it wasn’t sincere. So Kit started crying full out again until I stopped her and told her Kate didn’t mean it. Kate complained I was lying, but I asked if she loved Kit, and she stopped. Then she apologized for being stubborn and mean. Kit hugged Kate, telling her she was sorry.

“That night when my parents returned, they found I’d been cornered into playing dolls with them to keep the peace—which unfortunately also involved playing dress up,” he finished, a blush in his voice as I laughed. “It never happened again. Dressing up, that is.”

“It’s still funny,” I insisted, turning to look at him, less mystified by his ending.

He smiled down at me, that special curve to his lips; “Have I told you you’re beautiful?”

“Never.” I smiled and waited for what came next.

“Well you are,” he replied, leaning in to kiss me.

“What are you doing here?” a vicious voice snarled from a few feet away.

Elemental: Chapter Seven, Part 5

I had left after the other lights flickered out in the cabins, not wanting to explain what I was doing or why. That’s spontaneity for you, never a rhyme or reason, but it always feels so right in the moment. It was the moment after the action you had to watch out for.

Nick called out when he arrived in the chaotically tranquil garden. I sat up from the patch of grass where I had been stargazing, supposing he had waited for Mikael to fall asleep before chancing to leave.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, lying beside me.

“Aren’t the stars beautiful?” The black and white of the sky was bordered by curious leaves; they were either questioning what was going to happen, or what the heavens looked like close up. I doubted it would look more lovely than it did now.

“My dad used to teach me to read constellations, but I never really took an interest.” He shrugged beside me, his arm brushing against mine, surprisingly warm. Or perhaps I just hadn’t realized how chilly it was.

“My dad and I never did anything over our last several years together; he was busy working and staying away from my mother.”

“What are you thinking about?” Nick inquired, shifting to his side, rushing past my sorry statement. He didn’t change the subject in a way that suggested he was disinterested, but in a way so as to lighten the mood. The jade eyes burned into me and I again felt he could see past the skin and bones to something more. It frightened me. Mostly because I couldn’t be sure what he saw.

“Everything,” I said instead of talking about how much this smell reminded me of Drei and all the circumstances in which I’d inhaled it. “Anything.” I avoided admitting I missed Drei, even if I was the one pushing him away. “And nothing.” I shoved away the confession that, as much as I liked him, I wished he was Drei.

“That’s quite a boat load,” he replied.

I didn’t say anything, just rolled onto my side to face him, going over again how he was different from Drei, and what it was about Nick I liked. What it was that made him mysterious and easygoing.

“You’re beautiful,” Nick said, his shaggy hair pushed up by his palm.

Before I could think of a response, his lips were on mine and I felt alive. Not like breathing alive. I was fully aware of everything around us: the whistling breeze, the flowers sighing in sleep, the stars twinkling in an undecipherable code…everything.

My heart raced and my brain tried to find something to ground me. I pushed him away, just so our noses barely touched.

“This isn’t going anywhere,” I warned, praying he’d understand what my lack of words seemed to say in my own mind.

“I wouldn’t dream of taking it anywhere,” he whispered before his lips found mine, and the breathless feeling of life—real life—filled me again.

In that moment, I forgot about my feelings for Drei. All thoughts ceased to pass through my mind except for one: now I knew what the leaves had been waiting for.

Elemental: Chapter Seven, Part 3

I wanted to turn the topic away from the serious discussion questions, afraid it might lead to something I wasn’t willing to admit; say, special feelings for a special someone who was already with another unnamed person. “What’s your favorite color?”

We changed the game to favorites for a long time. Nick loved the color green, he obsessed about Italian manufactured cars, and wanted to go to Europe someday. He hated school, could never master any instrument past three notes, and indulged frequently in the golden oldies that give you that feel-good bubble of happiness in your chest—his words, not mine.

My favorite color, as he learned, was pastel blue, I wanted to live in France someday, and had a fascination with stuffed bears (my massive collection left behind). My dislikes included liars, shopping, and the meaningless jewelry lessons my mother had forced me through. We went on to cover numerous other topics, usually playing off of each other for the next question. Favorites lasted a good hour or so, surprisingly enough.

“How many girlfriends have you had?” I inquired, pulling out of our “favorites” category.

“Two,” he replied easily. “I went out with one for a week before she dumped me for her ex, and the other I went out with for three months before she said I needed to marry her or leave her. We were 16, so I told her she was insane and left. She’s getting married in June to the guy she dated after me.”

“At least one of you found a happy ending,” I remarked before I could stop myself.

“Well, no one ever said I wouldn’t find mine.” His jade eyes held mine for a moment and sent a shiver down my spine. Why did he affect me this way? That was my biggest question, especially when I still barely knew him, despite our game. “What about you?”

“No girlfriends for me,” I joked, relishing the wide-eyed look he gave me. “I’ve had three boyfriends,” I continued, still smiling as his face returned to its interested but distant listening state. “One was because Sara broke up with him and he was such a mess she told him I’d go out with him; so I did, for a month before he got over her. Then there was the bad boy at lunch that no one liked and I ended up completely smitten over. Total disaster; it lasted two weeks before he admitted he had only been with me because he wanted to be with Emily but had lost interest, and therefore lost what grain of interest he had in me. He wasn’t the first I had experienced something like that with, but he was the only one with that intention I actually dated.

“Then there was Richie, who broke up with two of my friends at the same time and then asked me out. We dated about three months. He was a drunk and thought I would do anything he asked, so I left him, and never looked back.” I decided at the last minute not to tell him the exact circumstances. It wasn’t his business really. Well, it might have been but I wasn’t going to let it be. Not yet at least.

“Definitely more interesting than my story of the exes.”

“I think you beat me with the marriage one, though,” I said, pressing my lips together and grinning as I nodded my head slightly. “First date kiss?”

“Only if both of us agree it’s the right time,” he replied without missing a beat.

“How many times has that happened?”

“Never.”

“Thought so;” I couldn’t help smirking at his deflated, theatrical pout.

“What about you, Miss Experience?” His eyes were gleaming and the crooked grin returned.

“If the timing and the person are right,” I answered, fully realizing how cheesy it sounded.

“And has that happened?”

“How often do you find the right person?” I countered, leveling my gaze with his.

“Once in a lifetime according to every poet in the known universe.”

“Exactly.”

He pouted his lips, and I took my turn. “Were you a good person?”

“Am I or was I?”

“Were you?”

“Not always. I screwed up a lot,” he responded, gazing ahead at the mess of tripping children, new cacti and puddles of mud. There was a hesitancy to his voice, as though he was ashamed of himself. “I enjoyed pulling pranks and ‘hacks,’ if you will. Nothing too serious. All for kicks and giggles; I wasn’t caught until last year…but not by whom one might think.”

The way he finished speaking made it very clear he was done. I understood, since there were things about my past (and my present) I didn’t want to bring up any more than I had to. But I couldn’t help but wonder what his secrets were like. How bad were they? Were they anything like mine? Better? Worse?

“What about you? Were you a good person?”

I didn’t answer; I knew I hadn’t been; I had been shallow and careless and concerned more with not falling off the top of the pyramid. I made a lot of decisions I never wanted to remember. And Nick didn’t need to know any of that. No, that wasn’t right. I didn’t want him to know any of that; I didn’t want to think how knowing those things would change the way he looked at me.

“So…I guess not a good question to ask.”

I wanted to say, “No duh,” but couldn’t bring myself to pull out of my upright fetal position. I had asked it first, after all; I should have realized it would come right back to me.

“If you could do anything right now, anything in the world, what would you do?” he asked instead.

“I would be honest with everyone I’ve ever known,” I replied, the words just falling from my lips.  A voice in my head screamed, demanding to know what I was doing. But I went on, feeling guilty he was so willing to be honest when I just wanted to hide things from him. “I keep so much to myself, and sometimes I just wish I wasn’t so afraid to tell it straight, to everyone who deserved it. You know?”

Nick didn’t disappoint when I glanced at him, searching for reassurance I wasn’t mad. “I feel the same way sometimes.”

Neither of us said anything, and the silence between us echoed with the giddy screams and laughter below.

“What would you do?” I asked after a moment, needing to break the quiet.

“That’s too easy;” he smiled crookedly. “Kiss you.”

The thought tripped through my mind and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kiss him or not. So I did what I did best, pretend. Leaning in, as if granting his wish, Nick followed suit. I almost felt cruel when my lips stopped a breath away from his and announced, “Try again.”

I stood and walked down the slope, calling the children to clean up before lunch. They groaned and obligingly agreed, but their disappointment was nowhere near equal to that of Nick. He was confused and grudgingly realizing what had happened.

My mind hoped he realized he wasn’t as desirable as he thought himself to be, while my heart chided he was more than I might be able to handle.

Elemental: Chapter One, Part 4

Dating Richie wasn’t everything I had imagined it might be. It fell short of filling the hole left by my mysterious visitor, but it did occupy my time; it was also nice to feel wanted, though I was realizing that didn’t matter if the feeling wasn’t sincerely mutual. However, I didn’t want to end it and be accused of not trying hard enough to make it work.

He often showered me with gifts of candy and flowers, which my mother cooed over when she was home. Only one of our dates was ever just to relax at his house. It was very awkward, considering he had no shame admitting he was expecting entertainment from me. I provided no such entertainment; I wasn’t sure what kind of girl he assumed me to be, but I definitely wasn’t of that variety.

The next couple of months resembled the rest of my life, except my friends saw me as a traitor—meaning I spent considerably less time shopping and more time reading, which was fine by me. Mostly, they were jealous because he wasn’t cheating on me. How did I know? There were no mysterious calls and he insisted we do something together practically every night, unless one of us had a club function to attend. I was beginning to think he suspected I would cheat on him—which again made me question what kind of girl he thought I was.

As Valentine’s Day drew closer, the atmosphere at school grew chaotic as girls rushed to entice the cutest guys to take them to the Winter Love Dance. My only escape was my bedroom, though even that haven was breached when Mother brought designers in to showcase possible dresses. To please her, I chose a strawberry-pink Cinderella dress with a bead embroidered bodice. She loved the fact it was strapless and insisted Richie wouldn’t be able to leave me cold any longer—as if I wanted him to make me warm. Part of me wondered if he even knew my birthday was that same day.

The dance was unspectacular, though my friends deemed me worthy of their presence based solely on my gorgeous apparel—their words, albeit paraphrased. Richie never let me out of his sight and pampered me the entire night as if we were already engaged and at some political event. I knew dating someone from the Politician and Lawyer neighborhood would come back to bite me. It was horrible having him so clingy.

I lived in the unofficial Doctor and Entrepreneur (DE) community—deemed such as those tended to be the dominant careers in the area. There was no segregation between the professions; it was just like attracting like, I suppose. Because the DE community was closest to the school, we hosted most of the parties, including post-dance parites. Richie and I made our appearance and danced a little before leaving to drive across town to his house.

Richie ensured I was comfortable in his mansion-sized suite before leaving to retrieve champagne for us to celebrate. What exactly we were celebrating, I was unsure of, and it made me a little uncomfortable.

Slipping out of my pink heels, I paced in the sunken sitting area, gazing past the plasma television, numerous game systems, classy white and beige furniture and trophy cases to the rest of the room. The double doors stared menacingly at me as I took in the huge special-ordered bed (the kind you might see in movie scenes) armoires—designated by engravings—for various sports equipment and attire, a maze of bookshelves, and the walk-in closet. His room was much larger than mine, but that didn’t bother me; honestly, it felt too large. However, something else did, though—probably whatever surprise he had up his sleeve. My stomach felt as though it was dropping through a hole in the floor, anticipating some disaster. It didn’t improve as I walked unseeingly along the trophy cases.

“That one is my newest treasure,” Richie said from behind me, as I forced myself not to jump in surprise. I hadn’t heard him return.

My eyes focused on the trophy they hadn’t actually seen. Junior Golf Tournament: 2^nd Place. “Congratulations,” I said, turning to face him, knowing my father would be impressed, having placed in some when he was younger.

Richie stood a step behind me, holding a chilled champagne bottle in one hand and two flutes in the other. A curl of orange hair fell into his secretive, once again dangerous, green eyes. He smiled warmly towards me, but his smile hinted to something sinister beneath the warmth. His bowtie and jacket had already been removed and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone.

“Let’s sit down,” he offered, motioning toward the couches.

We sat next to each other on a love seat; I watched as he opened the champagne, not wanting any but knowing he’d pour me some even if I objected. He handed me a flute and toasted, “To us. May we be together for a long time.”

I smiled weakly—I wasn’t sure if I could handle being with him for a long time if this was what he was like after only a few months—accepting the toast. My muscles tensed as I pretended to take a sip and I knew instinctively something was going to happen; something I wouldn’t like.

Our lips engaged in a kiss, his loose and wanting, mine more resistant. When he pulled away, he attempted small talk as he rubbed my lower back, easing tension from me. He asked how my day was, and if I enjoyed the dance. My answers were generic, revealing little about either one as my opinions on both weren’t necessarily polite or what he wanted to hear.

At some point I found myself saying, “Today is my birthday.” Then realizing it was past midnight, I corrected myself, “Was my birthday.”

“Really?” he questioned as he motioned for me to sit with more of my back to him. “Seventeenth?”

I nodded, starting to relax as he massaged my shoulders. Was all of this tension from apprehension? If so, I wasn’t sure if I should stop him or if I should stop worrying and relax already.

“Happy Birthday,” he whispered into my ear and I felt the hair on my neck rise. “I have the best birthday present for you.”

“What’s that?” I asked half-heartedly, turning to face him. Had he known? I was reluctant to let my hopes out of my control.

“I’m going to make you mine;” he smirked, his stunning green eyes glinting sinisterly. “You lucky girl.”

My eyes widened and I tensed again as he nibbled at my neck and bare shoulders. Some gift. I stood up, slipping back into my shoes and heading toward the door. Richie grabbed my arm and pulled me back into him.

“No one leaves me without giving me what I want,” he growled, starting to unzip my dress and kissing me forcefully. His other arm pinned my body against his.

“No,” I managed despite his insistence on keeping my lips otherwise occupied, feeling helpless as he picked me up.

My fists pounded against him, but it made no difference. He carried me to the bed, keeping a fast grip around my writhing body. Feeling my weight hit the bed, I screamed no at him, trying to scramble off the other side. He grabbed my ankle this time and slid me across the silk bedspread toward him.

“No!” I yelled as vehemently as I could when he lifted me to face him. Richie flew across the room and crumpled into a small heap at the base of a wall as though propelled by a superhero-strength punch. The force with which he hit the wall sent a crack echoing through the room.

I sat crouched on the bed, numb and horrified, unable to comprehend what had happened. When he moaned from his heap, I jumped off the bed and ran out of his house, snatching my jacket out of the foyer closet before leaving.

Nothing penetrated my adrenaline driven thoughts. Not even the fact my birthday had gone from boring to nightmarish.