Elemental: Chapter Ten, Part 6

I woke up in my bed, buried beneath several comforters, alone again. Nothing in me felt like moving, eating, or anything. Everything still came to me, despite the light tapping on my window. I couldn’t even question why that was; I started to, and then the words flew away.

Nick stopped by, an apology planned. I didn’t roll over to face him; I knew he had already reported the camp; it was either that or be imprisoned with the rest of us since they had likely avoided interfering as long as we were oblivious. He relented sputtering when I didn’t move or say anything.

Drei’s voice drifted to me from wherever he was, disconnected and nonchalant. He never mentioned my name, and avoided any questions concerning me. He was always in a meeting, too, discussing how to save the others, and what to do about Nick. His ignorance of my existence may have deeply scarred me if I could care; but nothing mattered anymore. It was better for everyone if I just stayed away and kept out of things.

It might have been hours or days I laid there; time didn't seem to move in its conventional way, or perhaps I had merely lost my ability to pin it down. I was unable to ignore anyone, listening to everything around me, whether it meant something or not. Nick came in at some point, though, and freaked. I didn’t look to see what he was freaking about, but I knew he went straight to Drei. I tried to direct my listening to other conversations, not wanting their argument to take precedence.

The next moment, it seemed, Drei was at my side, kneeling.

“Abriel,” he whispered, fraught.

I sat up, turning to face him. “Yes?” I questioned, my voice devoid of emotion. That was another thing I didn’t seem capable of holding onto for long.

Drei reached for my hand, taking it in his and kissing it. “You…the air is consuming you,” he managed, his voice unsure.

“I’m fine…Drei?” I was just beginning to realize the worry. He couldn’t see me. I sat half inside my body; its visage was pale, the blue-gray eyes cold and unseeing. My chest barely moved with breath. “What’s happening?” I was not yet panicking, but slightly interested in this translucent state.

“Abriel,” Drei whispered, ensuring Nick—standing in the doorway—couldn’t hear. “Your body will die, though, essentially, you will not; your soul will become a part of the air.” As he spoke—the words difficult for him to muster—I couldn’t help but consider how peaceful that sounded. The air gives life to everything, sees everywhere, and, though sometimes destructive, essential for so many aspects of livelihood. Few people blamed the air for wrongdoing; it was opposite me in nearly every way it seemed. “If you do not wish for that to happen,” Drei continued, “then you have to use what control you yet possess and pull yourself back into your body, but—but you must do it quickly.”

I listened to the instructions, because I always listened to him. But I didn’t want to go back. What did I even have to go back to? He wasn’t upset with me only because I was in this situation, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t still hate me. It made more sense for me to let this run its course. Maybe I would finally have my wish granted and find some long-lived happiness; maybe they would both find some peace.

Nick wasn’t crying, but he wasn’t the kind to let his emotions overcome him—not these kinds of emotions anyway. When I turned to gaze down at Drei, I felt my heart beat again. Tears streamed down his ashen cheeks, his eyes an amethyst so pale, they were nearly white. He didn’t make any sound, but he clutched my hand as if it were his only lifeline.

Those tears were the deciding factor. I had never known Drei to cry, and something about what Valetta had said earlier echoed in my mind: I had fought for Nick because I wanted him to stay. Now it was time to do something that wasn’t for me, even if it meant forfeiting something that sounded so ideal.

It took a few minutes, but with enough convincing and a touch of stitching, I settled back into my body, warmth flooding me, blood pulsing at a steady rate, and the sounds outside my room dissipating into nothingness. Drei’s hand still held mine tight, but flew away the moment I began to sit up.

My mind raced between my possible reactions, finally deciding to still be wary of his temper.

“It won’t happen again,” I promised.

I lay back down, drowsy, ignoring Nick and Drei. They had gotten on well enough without me the last few days. I didn’t want to be in anyone’s way.

Besides, it left me time to ponder what else was coming. Jake had been right; loving Nick had almost cost me my life. Not because of anyone else, but because of myself. What was yet to come, I couldn’t fathom. It all seemed dark and helpless from there. I had very possibly passed up my one chance to do something useful.