He followed me downstairs where we stopped only long enough to grab my
sweater and his jacket. Since we had arrived, the breeze had shifted to roll
off the ocean, cool and refreshing. It raked gently through my hair and played
with the skirt of my dress. Though I knew pants would have been more sensible
in the dropping temperatures, I had felt like wearing a dress. Caroline had
already given me a hard time for it, but I could be equally stubborn.
Since I had found out I was an air elemental, I hadn’t been to the beach.
It was such a different experience. The air was heavy with briny mist but
simultaneously fresh and relaxing. I had never known heavy air to be so
calming. Usually it was depressing and exhausting.
“The sand will be cold,” he warned as I kicked my flats off by the porch.
“I don’t mind,” I said, pushing my hair over my shoulder and out of my
face.
“Suit yourself.” He made his way down the beach and to the water’s edge.
I followed, gasping more at the coldness in the water than in the sand. From
the corner of my eye, I could tell he was struggling not to say those four eye-roll-worthy
words. But I wouldn’t have minded so much. My feet were already adjusting to
the cold and I began to enjoy watching the sandy particles cling and wash away
so easily.
“Does it ever bother you that you’re surrounded by girls?” Then, thinking
maybe I hadn’t been clear enough, elaborating, “I mean, like Caroline, and now
me.”
Ian pulled his hat off and tousled his hair before answering. “Not
really. Caroline’s like family, so I’m used to it. And you’re just a cool
friend I’m starting to somewhat understand.”
“Understand?” I asked, smiling. It seemed a silly word to describe a
blossoming friendship. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean, you aren’t as mysterious anymore. You seem more human…more like
someone to trust than when we first met.”
“I don’t know what to make of that.” I watched as he pulled his cap on
again. “But one thing I don’t understand about you is your cap. You’re always
wearing one.”
He shrugged, and I was beginning to think it was his signature gesture—or
at least the gesture of the day. “My grandparents never had a lot of money, so
for Christmas, my grandmother always knitted me something. One year it was a
stocking cap,” he said, tugging his navy fleece cap over the tips of his ears. “I
guess it just stuck.”
Nodding, I gazed out over the ocean. It was calm, pulsing gently. There
was a gray-green hue to the top layer; further out, that layer shimmered as if
it were perfectly still and had nothing better to do than sparkle in the dim
sunlight.
“So how did you know?” he asked, interrupting my observations.
“Know what?” I wondered if this was about Caroline again.
“That first broadcast. How did you know they were coming?” He studied me
as carefully as I had him.
“Oh…that.” It wasn’t something I wanted to tell him because it was a
habit not to mention it. Caroline wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t tried
testing me that first day. “It’s more up to her if she wants you to know,” I
told him, hoping it would work as well as it had on Conan.
“She said the same thing of you;” he smirked, staring at his feet a
moment before stopping. I turned around to face him, trying to figure out if
his stopping was a good sign or a bad one. “Secrets are okay to have,” he said
slowly, holding my eyes. “But sometimes it’s better to share with someone. Sometimes
it’s…a relief for someone else to know.”
Hugging myself, I debated if I wanted him to know. Drei knew,
but he was the one who explained it to me. Most people from the safe camp knew,
but that’s because it wasn’t a secret there. Even Nick knew now; though he had
had some idea of what I was back then, he now had it perfectly documented to
erase any doubt he might have had. Caroline even knew.
The breeze blew a little harder, whipping my hair
around my face, almost seeming to berate me for contemplating the wrong
question. It didn’t matter who already knew. What I needed to know was if I
wanted Ian to know. Did I trust him enough? After everything he had shared
about his family and what he knew after countless years with Caroline, was it
enough to trust him with the biggest secret of my life?
“I’m an air elemental,” I whispered, ensuring the
words reached his ears as I looked up. “That’s how.”
I knew I had made the right choice in confiding in
him, especially since I had this feeling I would need him later on. But that
didn’t stop my stomach from churning. While I knew it was right, something felt
wrong about it. Like I was breaking some unspoken promise not to tell. That
didn’t make sense, though. This hadn’t happened when I had practically told
Caroline, but she was an elemental, too. Did that make a difference? Or was it
something more? Something deeper I didn’t understand?
That was the right question to ask. The moment I
thought it, the answer flooded me and tears misted my eyes. Telling Ian felt
almost more like I was forsaking Drei. Which I was, sort of. Maybe. I didn’t
know anymore. Part of me still wanted him despite how much thoughts of him
still hurt. He used to be my only confidante, and I was replacing him. Which
should have been a good thing, right?
Turning from Ian so he wouldn’t see the tears welling
in my eyes, I started walking again. The shallow water splashed softly behind
mme and I expected him to ask something, or comment, or anything. I didn’t
expect him to wrap his arms around me and kiss the side of my head; I hadn’t
expected him to whisper a thank you in my ear, to reward me with comfort when I
felt like I had truly betrayed Drei.
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