Vampiric: Chapter Ten, Part 2

As I had expected, Caroline sat in the living room, trying fruitlessly to focus on the paperwork before her. I watched her for a few minutes, witnessing her unease as she’d lift a page, sit back to read it, only to find herself staring blindly at it the next moment and trading it for another. Letting the door close noisily behind me, I shrugged out of my coat, feeling her eyes on me as she tried telling herself she wasn’t staring.

Taking Ian’s advice, I sat on the couch across from her, saying, “We need to talk.”

Caroline nodded. For the first time since New Year’s, I studied her and was surprised to see dark circles under her eyes.

“I’m sorry for blowing you off,” I began, slowly, figuring an apology was as good a place as any to begin. “I was…so upset by everything and I didn’t want to say something I’d regret.”

“I’m just grateful you’re talking to me again,” she said. She sighed and leaned back. “I have a question, though.”

“Yes?” I had a sickening feeling I knew what it was, which was worsened by the way she wouldn’t meet my eyes. Though I wasn’t sure I was ready to answer, I realized it was now or never. I had already waited too long.

“Why did he ask you to leave?”

It was my turn to sigh and sit back. There it was. Closing my eyes, I pretended I was talking to Ian again, when it had been somewhat easy to share. “He saw you kiss me and thought it was something more—”

“—when you were promoted and kept getting called away,” she finished, shaking her head dejectedly. Caroline ran her hands over her face, her fingertips stopping, tented under her nose. “God, Abs. I’m so sorry.” When she opened her eyes, I could see the tears pooling in them.

“It isn’t completely your fault,” I said. “I should have talked to him about it sooner, and he should have spoken to me as well.”

“But if I had been thinking…I shouldn’t have—”

“Caroline.” Now that she knew, I discovered I didn’t really want her to beat herself up about it. I just wanted things to be the way they had been, even if I didn’t think it was possible. “Nothing can change what happened. You didn’t know, and you weren’t expected to.”

“I’m sure there were signs I missed…that I ignored, Abs.”

“If there were signs we were anything more than…friends, at the most, it means we were careless,” I explained poorly. To fully explain the circumstances would take forever and even then she wasn’t likely to understand. “So if you knew, that means others knew, which means what should have happened would have been much worse.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, sitting forward on her elbows.

“It’s better if you don’t know,” I replied, really not wanting to go into that. “My point is, I didn’t want to outright blame you for that and whatever else I could think of at the time. I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship while I was angry.”

Caroline stood and plopped down next to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders. “I thank you for that. If you had yelled at me, I would probably be the one not talking to you.”

“I know;” I smiled and hugged her back.

“Want to know something?” she asked, catching my gaze.

“Hm?”

“I think I know how you were feeling…still are feeling somewhat.”

“Ian kind of told me that,” I admitted, sheepishly. “Said I was behaving just as Drei had.”

“Exactly,” she said. “What if everything that happened was just because—”

“Stop.” I shook my head and closed my eyes. “This was his choice. We’ll both live with it so long as he chooses. Maybe longer. Don’t give me hope for anything different.”

“So if he came tomorrow and apologized, would you take him back?”

The question caught me off guard. I wanted to say yes, but less than five months ago I had told her I wouldn’t. “I’ll know if it happens.” It was the only honest answer I had.

“Not if, silly. When,” she corrected, squeezing my hand. “No worries, Abs. I’ll be optimistic enough for both of us. It will happen.”

Falling asleep that night, I couldn’t help but replay her logic and begin to hope she was right—against my own cautioning desires. Hope had brought him to me before and had kept me going this long; I could only have faith hope would be on my side again.