Eternal: Chapter Seven, Part 3

“He knows who I am,” she yelled at me, returning the outer edge of our group. “There’s more to me than my element!”

“But your element is still a huge part of who you are,” I calmly rebutted, moving to stand before her. I didn’t want to push her too far, just enough to see what Ian, Jake, Mikael, and Xenia already saw. “You can’t deny it exists; trust me…I tried. And it ruined every plan I had for myself.”

Kora didn’t say anything; she didn’t look at anyone. Caroline had gone to stare out a window, still prickling, though I wasn’t sure why. I’d find out in a moment, once Kora had made her decision.

“It may not seem like a gift at times, maybe not even most of the time, but we were born this way for a reason. We’re different for a reason. And there’s a good chance that our children will be like us.” I didn’t know if Kora wanted children, but I knew she could relate to being an elemental child and the challenges it created. “Growing up, didn’t you ever wish things could be different?” I squeezed her shoulder gently. “We could make things different; we could make them better.”

A glimmer of hope entered the mix of doubt, anger, and fear enveloping her. Unspoken arguments and questions flew around her mind as she tried at first to talk herself into leaving and then transitioned to all of the reasons she should stay. “Fine,” she said softly, returning to her seat.

“Caroline?” I said, going to stand before her. “Are you in?”

She huffed, staring hard at me, her bronze eyes searching my face and those of the others. Caroline wasn’t warring with fears and other emotions as Kora had been; all I felt from her was…petulance.

“Say yes, Caroline;” Ian sighed, rolling his eyes. “She’ll play unsure as long as you let her…just for the sake of playing devil’s advocate.”

Shrugging, she smiled in her mischievous way. “Of course I’m in. I always love shaking things up a bit.”

“Any more objections or concerns?” I asked as Caroline and I returned to our seats. Kora was still mostly in her thoughts, but everyone else seemed content. “Then onto jobs.” Picking up the folder on the table, I passed a stack of papers around. “This is the general timetable Caroline and Ian drew up for us.” Passing out the next sheet, I explained, “Right now I have two different teams. Mikael and Xenia, can you two set up a website?”

“Those are easy,” Mikael assured me and Xenia agreed.

“Fantastic. Caroline said she’ll pay for the server space; you two are webmasters. Whenever you need the space, talk to her.” Turning my attention to the other, I continued, “Kora, Jake, Ian, and Caroline, you’ll be responsible for the commercials. Ian already has some story boards I believe;” he nodded. “Valetta and Mitchell, you’ll be ambassadors.”

“What for?” Mitchell asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“You’ll see soon enough. Nick, I wasn’t expecting to have your help,” I admitted.

Laughing, he said, “You should have.”

“I know, but it works out great anyway. I don’t have a sheet for it yet, but you’ll be the head of my security detail.” At his confused look, I added, “I won’t need it until later, so you can help with either the website or the commercial for now.”

“Definitely the commercial;” he grinned, his eyes sparkling with relief. “I think I’d be more likely to crash the site than help set it up.”

“Perfect. And Drei you’re helping to oversee everything.” Drei nodded, though I could sense he wasn’t happy with his assignment. I’d talk to him about it later; I hadn’t known where else to put him. I needed him here with me, and I wasn’t sure how much use he’d be with either of the technical options. “Before we adjourn, any final questions?”

“I think we’re good;” Caroline began munching on one of her cookies.

“Before you leave, make sure to meet with your group and figure out when you’ll be meeting. I’ll e-mail everyone about the next group meeting, and help yourselves. There’s still plenty of food left. Meeting adjourned.”

Eternal: Chapter Seven, Part 2

Turning around, my eyes found the young man who had spoken. He was tall with bright jade eyes, sharp facial features, and a crooked smile; his pine colored hair was long and shaggy. Words escaped me; I hadn’t expected to see him, though I should have guessed he would show up somewhere.

I hugged him as his arms enveloped me, holding me tight, as they had so many times before. “Nick,” I murmured into his shoulder. I don’t know how long we embraced, but I did eventually remember I was playing hostess and pulled away. When I did, there was Drei, leaning in the door frame. Walking over to him, he pulled me into his own comforting, familiar embrace.

He kissed the top of my head. “Do you like my surprise?”

Nodding, I stepped back from him. “But now we’re ruining the meeting.”

He chuckled a little. I smiled goofily at him before taking his hand and then Nick’s and walking them into our circle.

“Drei’s here now. And the last member of our council will be Nick.”

“Can we trust him?” Mikael asked skeptically. It was a fair question; Mikael, Kora, and Xenia had lived through the aftermath of Nick revealing his involuntary involvement with the government. What information they’d received at the time was likely limited and compounded by rumors, particularly when Nick didn’t join us during the relocation.

Glancing at Nick, I nodded. “If we couldn’t, Drei wouldn’t have brought him.” There was still some uncertainty, though it was considerably dispelled as they contemplated Drei’s endorsement of Nick’s character. I turned to Nick and Drei. “Would either of you like something to drink before we start? And did you catch everyone’s name?”

“I think so,” Nick replied, nodding. “If not, I’ll ask you about it later. And I’ll take water, please.”

“The same,” Drei said as Valetta went to the kitchen. I would have objected, but I understood. We had already been derailed enough.

“So, to business then.” I smiled at everyone sitting around me, feeling better than I had not minutes before. I knew, without a doubt, I could do this. “I’ve talked to all of you about the general timeline but I’ve withheld what the focus of our movement is…until today. From talking with all of you, I know more than ever it’s the right thing to do. To prevent others from experiencing the same dilemmas and heartaches we’ve faced over the years. To protect, or to heal, the ones we love. We’re taking down the government by letting people know we exist,” I said. “We, as elementals, have to stand up for our own rights as people; the only way to do that is to show regular people we exist to begin with, that there is a unique group being exploited and endangered by the very institution that’s supposed to protect us.”

“We’re admitting we’re different?” Kora asked slowly, her hands shaking in her lap. Her hazel eyes were wide.

“It’s the only way,” I said gently. “We don’t physically look different, so no one knows unless we tell them.”

“So what’s with the miracle tagline you gave Ian and I to work with?” Caroline asked, eating another one of her cookies.

Drei raised an eyebrow at me. I felt myself blushing, knowing it was a silly thing for me to have remembered for so long. “I once asked why the government hated us, and Drei told me the only reason he could think of was because they wanted to erase miracles.”

“What’s the tagline?” Xenia asked, taking one of the sandwiches.

“Miracles still exist,” Ian said, a smile in his voice. “So it was your inspiration?”

“It seems that way.” He smiled at me.

“I’m not sure about this, Abs,” Caroline said, setting her napkin of cookies on the coffee table. “I’m all for taking down the government—you know that. And I don’t mind putting myself at risk either. But you’re not talking about just us;” she stood and began pacing behind the couch and talking with her hands in broad, sweeping gestures. “You’re talking everyone. That’s everyone who’s managed to live their life without getting caught, and everyone who’s just starting to figure it out. That’s a ton of people, Abs. Who says they want to come out of hiding?”

“If they don’t, nothing will ever change,” Jake argued. “When the Black Civil Rights Movement started, not everyone was sure they wanted to fight that battle. But the few, and then the many, did anyway; look how that turned out.”

“You’re seriously comparing this to the Black Civil Rights Movement?” Kora demanded, going to stand by Caroline. “We’re not black…well, not all of us.”

“But we’re oppressed,” Ian said, shifting on the couch to look at the two. “Our civil rights aren’t being acknowledged, and they won’t be until we do something about it.”

“And what about the people who are fine hiding?” Kora asked, crossing her arms, trying to control her shaking.

“No one’s fine hiding,” Xenia said. “No one likes to hide who they are; eventually it eats away at who you are inside and then what are you left with? Some ghost of who you might have been?”

“Well, I don’t mind hiding;” Kora turned and walked towards the door.

“What kind of lasting relationship will that make, Kora?” I asked, hoping it would at least stop her from leaving; if she walked out the door, I wasn’t sure there was anything any of us could say to bring her back. “How do you know if he loves you if he’ll never know who you really are?”

Eternal: Chapter Seven, Part 1

Chapter Seven: Leading Change

“Drei isn’t back yet?” It had been over two weeks since I had spoken to Jake and everyone was out of school except Mikael—but he was on a brief break before the summer session. We were having our first meeting in a few hours and I hadn’t seen Drei since before I had started recruiting. I ran my hands through my mussed hair. “Why isn’t he back? He told you; I know he did.”

Valetta sat on the couch, watching me pace around the living room in my nightgown. She had told me he called a few days ago while I was asleep and promised to be back by now. But he wasn’t.

“You really should calm down,” she said before sipping from her teacup of blood. “Drei said he would return today, and he will.”

I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t calm to start with; it wasn’t like I was speaking to people I hardly knew. But this was an important day. They finally were going to know what our focus was going to be and I had this sinking feeling I was going to screw things up.

“Abriel,” she said gently, setting her drink aside and standing; she held me at arm’s length. “Stop worrying so much. Everything will go as planned and Drei will arrive safely.” Glancing at the clock on the wall, she added, “Besides, you had better change into something more presentable before Mitchell arrives with the others.”

I knew I was being childish in my resistance to Valetta’s soothing and distractions. It was petty of me to take out my frustrations at his absence and desire to communicate with me only through Mitchell and Valetta on everyone else. Although I knew this was my movement, I felt like this was something we were supposed to do together.

“He will be here, Abriel,” she asserted, squeezing my shoulders harder. “But you cannot reschedule this meeting. The others have lives, too.”

Part of me wanted to argue that I didn’t have a life anymore. That to have a life you had to be, you know, living. But I wouldn’t say that to Valetta; I wouldn’t even say that to Drei, though, honestly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about my turning anymore. I told myself if he was here, I wouldn’t be having these sorts of thoughts and everything would be fine.

“Okay,” I whispered, nodding my head. Of course it wasn’t really okay, but she did have a point. I couldn’t reschedule just because I felt like it. I was the leader, the coordinator; I had to appear as if everything was sunny and bright…even if it wasn’t.

An hour later, I had showered and changed into a summer dress and cropped bolero, ready for Mitchell and the rest to arrive. Valetta and I prepared snacks and chilled drinks with our remaining time.

“The door’s unlocked,” I called after someone knocked.

“Good God, Ian;” Caroline gasped, taking in the food and the two finishing the preparations. “We’re early. I told you we didn’t have to rush.”

I hugged Ian, glad they were here and grinning at Caroline’s whining.

“She would have been another hour if I didn’t hurry her along,” he whispered in my ear.

Smiling, I thanked him and then embraced Caroline; she handed me a small gift bag. “What’s this?”

“It’s your Happy First Organizational Meeting present.”

Laughing, I started opening it as she insisted it wasn’t anything special. Inside were several small candles of varying scents.

“They all promote relaxation, which you’ll need a lot of,” she said, kicking her shoes into a corner near the door.

“She’s been researching aromatherapy for you,” Ian said, grabbing a finger sandwich and walking into the living room, winking a sapphire gem as he passed me.

Caroline hit his arm lightly, pouting through her smile. “So shoot me for trying to be considerate.”

“I love it,” I said, interrupting any argument before it started —even if it was playful. Hugging her briefly again, I left my present in the bedroom, then helped Valetta move the finger sandwiches, cookies, and brownies into the living room.

“So how long before everyone else shows up?” Caroline asked, taking a few cookies and the napkin Valetta offered her.

I sat on one of the extra chairs we had pulled into the living room. “Everyone else should arrive—” There was knocking at the door and Valetta made her way over there as I stood again. “—now.”

“Welcome back,” Valetta said to Mitchell as he kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. She whispered something else into his ear and he let her go. Probably something about Drei not being back yet. Here came the kid gloves…not that my behavior this morning had suggested they were unnecessary. I shoved my emotions aside; I had to play hostess, after all.

“Welcome,” I greeted as Kora, Mikael, Xenia, and Jake walked through the door. I hugged each one, directing them to take a seat and help themselves. “What would everyone like to drink?”

Mitchell sat with them as Valetta helped me gather and deliver the drinks.

“Are Justin and Angeline coming?” Caroline asked as I handed her the lemonade she’d requested.

“I’m going to talk to them separately,” I said, taking my seat again.

“Who are Justin and Angeline?” Mitchell asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“My legal consultants.” Before anyone could freak out, I added, “Caroline and I hired them so we don’t have to worry about the legal side of things. She used Angeline during her revolution and it was apparent to me that she and Justin would make a good team. Any other questions before I introduce everyone and we begin?”

“Is Drei coming?” Jake inquired before drinking some of his water.

Everyone stared at me, waiting for the answer I didn’t really want to give. “He’s still out on business,” I said—my smile probably more on the forced side of the spectrum—before Valetta had a chance to interject. “Now, introductions. You all know me, and you should know that you’re supposed to call me Leirba from now on. I’m air; Ian is also.” I indicated to Ian with an open, upturned palm, then did likewise to each person in turn. “Caroline is fire. Kora and Mikael are earth. Xenia and Jake are water. We also have Valetta and Mitchell to help us. As we’ve mentioned already, Justin and Angeline are our legal consultants, but you probably won’t see much of them, if at all. And then there’s Drei, as well,” I finished, looking around at them all. “Any questions?”

“Am I not special enough to mention?” a familiar, masculine voice asked from behind me. “Or do you just not want my help?”

Eternal: Chapter Six, Part 8

“I need your help,” I said gently, knowing there would never be a good time. “My movement is starting soon; our first meeting is after everyone’s finals. I want you on my team, for everything you can bring.” As I explained, I watched him carefully, not wanting to risk losing him to his own suffering right now. “School will come first. The only relative downside is we have two years.”

Jake didn’t say anything, which worried me. Everyone had reacted to the two-year limit and he wasn’t even batting an eye at it.

“Are we taking them down?” he asked after a moment.

Nodding, I said, “That’s the general plan.”

“I’m in.”

We sat there for a long while, me wondering if I should ask if he needed anything else, him wallowing in his own thoughts.

“Will I ever forgive them?” he asked softly, gazing steadily at the river. “My family?”

Sitting back on my hands again, I gave the only answer I could think of: “You’ll know in time, though I’d like to think you’ll be able to.”

Nodding, he admitted, “I have another question.”

“Shoot.”

“Can we save her?”

I almost hated the way he was looking at me, as though all of his hopes and dreams depended on the next thing I said. Yet it seemed fitting, as I had done the same thing to Caroline a year and a half ago.

“We’ll do our best,” I promised, unable to give the affirmative. There were too many variables, and how he meant saved may not be the same as just freeing her from whatever facility in which she was kept. “Did you want me to do anything for you?”

Jake shook his head, exhaling heavily. “You’ve done so much for me already.”

“It wouldn’t take much for me to remove your pain,” I offered, wanting to do more. I wasn’t sure if leaving him in this condition was healthy.

“I need it,” he said, holding my gaze. “It’ll make me better.”

“If you don’t let it consume you.”

“I’ll handle it better this time around,” he promised, offering a small smile. That hint of youth hadn’t been an illusion after all. “Besides, I’ll be seeing more of you now, and you can keep me in check.”

Smiling back, I assured him I would. He then excused himself, heading back to campus and leaving me by the river, promising he’d be better when I saw him next.

I watched him leave, not moving quite yet. It amazed me how this had gone from being a general action that needed to be done, to being personal for so many people. Ian needed it to happen so he could make his own contribution. Xenia needed it so she could be herself. Kora needed it so she could live a normal life without having to keep secrets—though I wasn’t sure she realized that yet. Mikael needed it so he’d know no one else would have to go through what he went through. Caroline needed it because it was her goal. Jake needed it so he didn’t feel like it really was his fault. And I needed it because I’d know I didn’t relinquish my dreams in vain.

Two years was starting to look like the least of my worries.

Eternal: Chapter Six, Part 7

It wasn’t difficult to track down to where Jake had disappeared; he had left in a terrible mood with a unique mix of emotions trailing behind him: disappointment, anger, hatred, self-loathing, and a touch of sorrow. The trail he left traversed campus and through the park nearby, down to the river on the edge of the field just beyond the park. He wasn’t much better off than when he’d left; if anything, he had just started bottling it all up again.

“Jake?” I asked, standing a few feet from where he was sitting on the bank. He stiffened, keeping his back to me and curling into himself. “Could you talk to me? Like a person who isn’t being purely defensive?”

When he didn’t respond, I sat next to him and waited a moment. He wasn’t running, which was a good thing, but something was definitely wrong. All of his bitterness wasn’t from normal circumstances. Something over the past few years had changed him. Never could I have imagined him so cold and hard.

“What’s wrong?” I tried, wanting him to open up to me. He’d feel better if he did, I was sure of it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, staring fixedly at the water as if it was going to give him the answers he wanted. I would have told him it wouldn’t if I had thought it might help. “I don’t even know you, Leirba.”

Leaning back on the heels of my palms, I sighed. True, he was being a pain, but it was also true he wasn’t necessarily himself. Besides, anger wasn’t going to help me with this; it would only worsen things. “You do know me, so don’t even pretend.”

“Then why are you going by a different name, Abriel?” His eyes met mine; the brightness I had seen before was just a trick of the light. They were dull and lifeless; I wondered if the hint of childishness in his smile had also been an illusion. It was difficult to tell anymore. “It’s sketchy.”

“Drei wants me to go by Leirba for now. It’s really long and complex and I’m not really supposed to talk about it,” I said, having to look away from him. I wanted him to trust me, but I couldn’t even give him sufficient reason to. “Now what changed you?”

“Why are you here?” he asked instead. “Why now? Why not before?”

“Before what?” I inquired, hoping he’d say something to let me pry further.

No such luck. “Before now.”

It amazed me I could even be talking to the same person from all those years ago. The others, I could still see them, who they had been beneath who they had become. But every trace of who Jake had been…it was like it had all been erased.

“Before now I’d been figuring things out. I’ve been learning about myself and my movement, and some other stuff—”

“That you can’t talk about,” he finished bitterly. I winced at the daggers in his voice. “Well, while you were off doing whatever it was that was more important,” he spat, facing me, his face red and splotchy, contorted in a nasty combination of heartache and fury, “I was shipped from relative to relative until I was dumped into foster care, and then shipped from family to family.”

I was speechless for a moment, my mind absent of any response. “What happened to your mom?” I asked, remembering how he had told me she’d sent him to the camp for his protection. In his relation of it, she had promised to be there when he returned to her.

“The fucking government happened!” he screamed, tears coursing down his cheeks as his bottled emotions spewed forth. I tried to clear them away as best I could while letting him still go through the sensations. He needed to; he needed to feel again. He’d been making himself numb for too long and it was alienating him. “By the time I got back they’d picked her up.  My dad blamed me for everything; said if I’d never been born she’d never have been caught. He told me get the fuck out before he killed me. So I went to my grandparents, who sent me to one relative to another and to another until the last one didn’t want me either. I was dropped in their fucking system!” he yelled, pulling his knees to his chest and running his hands through his hair. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to hide in their fucking system?”

I pulled him into my embrace, knowing it wasn’t the foster care system he was angry at; it wasn’t even me. He felt like his father had told him the truth. It was his fault; he was the only one to blame.

“Jake,” I whispered, cradling him in my arms, rubbing his back and trying to limit how much of his pain he had to go through. There was so much and it was still so raw, as if he had avoided feeling any of it before now. “It’s okay. You’re okay. It isn’t your fault.”

He pulled away from me, his bloodshot eyes revealing how unworthy of my help he felt he was. “But it—”

“Your mother loves you,” I told him sternly. “She told you that, and she meant it. Nothing changed that,” I said, taking his hands in mine. He stared at me blankly, unsure how to respond; he wanted to believe me, but he had also spent so much time believing he was to blame. What I said seemed only like a happy pipe dream. “Nothing changes her love for you. Okay?”

He nodded slightly, wiping away his tears.

Eternal: Chapter Six, Part 6

She grumbled and sat back. Jake didn’t look at her; he had unwound some but was still visibly tense. I couldn’t help myself; before I knew it I was chilling the air around him, circulating it in a way that was pulling his frustrations and hardness from him. He let himself become relaxed, sitting back and closing his eyes a moment before opening them and scanning the room. Though I had looked away, still working the air around him, I felt his eyes burn into me, trying to figure out what was happening.

“Jake,” Professor Rakins called, pulling his attention from me, “you’ve covered society. Now what about yourself? Where do you draw the line for forgiveness?”

He glanced up at me again before beginning to answer. “I think it depends on the offense. I can forgive someone breaking my heart, or emotionally hurting me with time. But I don’t think I could forgive someone who hurts the people I know, or even those I don’t, in a way that has lasting damage. I couldn’t forgive someone who forces me and others like me to live a certain lifestyle. It’s not possible. People shouldn’t have to live the way someone else chooses for them.”

“What if that someone is a person you love?” I asked, reminded of the decisions Drei had made for me, and the ones others had made for me my entire life.

“Someone who loves you would let you make your own choice,” he responded coldly. “They wouldn’t put you through pain like that. They wouldn’t endow themselves with the power to make your choices.”

“Your parents do,” a girl next to Natalie added.

“Spouses, too,” a boy next to her added. “People you love are always making decisions concerning you.”

“And they shouldn’t be forgiven for it,” he said forcibly, very near shouting.

“Even if that means deciding to put you through a surgery that might save your life?” the boy asked. When Jake didn’t repeal his answer, the boy stood up. “You’re messed up…a real piece of work.” And he left, the other girl and Natalie sharing a look before following him.

“Don’t forget the final,” Professor Rakins called after them before scanning the remaining people. “Miss, I don’t believe I know you,” he said, pointing to me. “It doesn’t matter, but give your name and your opinion on this.”

I regretted speaking earlier, it might have saved me having to debate against him. “Leirba,” I started, avoiding the hard stare Jake was giving me. He didn’t say anything to correct me, thankfully, but this wasn’t going to make things easier. “For me, I somewhat agree with Jake. It depends on the offense. I don’t know if I could forgive someone who murdered someone I knew, or tried to. But I can forgive the people I love. I can always find a reason to forgive someone I love,” I answered, meeting Jake’s gaze. “Yes, sometimes they make decisions for me I don’t agree with, but I love them, and I do so for a reason. And that reason is enough.”

“So what about them?” he questioned bitterly. Many of his peers started muttering to each other, trying to determine who “they” were—coming to many different conclusions—and how we knew each other. “Can you forgive them for everything they’ve done? For everything they continue to do?”

Swallowing, I had to think about it. I didn’t know off the top of my head. They—the government and the people working under it—had taken my mother, had tortured and scarred me, had practically imprisoned Nick—a former boyfriend and still good though absent friend of mine—and forced so many of us to live in constant fear of being found out. Exhaling slowly, feeling everyone’s eyes on me, I replied, “I don’t know. Maybe someday, I might be able to. But it won’t be any time soon.”

That sent him over. He looked to say something as he jumped up from his seat, glared at me a second, and then grabbed his bag and stormed from the classroom.

“From the sounds of it, I should be looking forward to the essays Tuesday,” Professor Rakins chuckled, trying to break the tension in the room. It wasn’t working. There was no chattering and most people couldn’t even look at one another. I hated it; I always hated feeling uneasy, especially when it wasn’t mine. “Well then,” he tried again, receiving no response. “Class dismissed. Remember: Tuesday, 12:30.”

The rest of the students, myself included, left the room; I felt rotten for not supporting Jake on that point, but I couldn’t help how I felt, and I honestly believed that someday, depending on how things worked out, I might be able to forgive them for their seriously misguided thinking and heinous actions. I hoped I would be able to do so. I would never forget their transgressions, but I didn’t want to hate them for the rest of my days.

Eternal: Chapter Six, Part 5

The ethics class Jake was enrolled in was filling up as I arrived. The classroom wasn’t huge—to be honest I was somewhat shocked. There were three rows of chairs in a semicircle around a chalkboard and a desk. From the chattering everyone was doing and the overall relaxed feeling in the room, I knew they weren’t taking a test and was grateful. A few people gave me questioning looks, shrugging it off a moment later. They had a right to be curious. I hadn’t been in this class, and I hadn’t been on this campus the last few months either; they had every right to question. I wasn’t concerned with any of them; the only person I was interested in was Jake, and I hadn’t seen him yet.

Jake walked in a minute to the bell, taking a seat on the middle row on the other side of the half circle. He hadn’t changed much other than he was taller and leaner. His hair was a shaggy gold and his eyes were a piercing blue, as though growing up had given him a harder edge. There was still a hint of youth in his smile, but it was small, hardly a glimmer. I wondered how much of that edge could be attributed to him having to hide. I couldn’t tell how much of the change was just physical either. For all I knew, he could be completely different.

The professor walked in, but the class didn’t quiet until he had settled onto the desk at the front of the room.

“Final on Tuesday next week. Twelve thirty. Be on time, or you won’t be allowed to retake it,” he began, immediately capturing everyone’s attention. “Today we’ll have another ethical debate. Two of the test questions will be essays asking you to argue a side on a major ethical debate applicable to today. They will also ask you to raise some points of an opposing perspective.” The instructor stood and divided a stack of papers into three, handing a stack to each person on the end of the row on my side. When the stack reached me, I passed it on, glimpsing over the sheet. I didn’t envy them this test.

Once the professor settled again, he said, “There are 15 possible issues up for debate. The only way to do well is to be prepared. Don’t expect to fly by the seat of your pants on this one. It won’t work.” The relaxed atmosphere of the room dissipated into tension as his students whispered to the people next to them, worriedly exchanging hopeful looks. “Today we’ll debate the issue of forgiveness. Where do we draw the line? As individuals? As a society?” he posed, leaning forward to grab a sheet from his desk. Reading, he continued, “How do we determine who to forgive and under what circumstances is it possible?” Tossing the paper back to the desk, he waited a moment as they started mulling it over. “Jake,” he called, scanning over the class, “begin.”

I watched him struggle to find the words to start his argument. There was almost too much to take into consideration with this one.

“Forgiveness is a commodity most often shown to those of petty offenses,” he began, slowly pulling together his thoughts into a clearer form. “Usually children or first time offenders of lesser laws. As a society, we aren’t so quick to forgive released convicted felons, murderers, or sexual offenders. But we’ll let rapists off for lack of evidence. We won’t convict a murderer on circumstantial evidence. Yet we’ll put a person caught peeing in public on an unforgiving list of sex offenders. We insist prisoners are ‘reformed’ but won’t give them a decent job; we can’t make people forgive them their wrongs and therefore are unable to allow them to live a decent life as a ‘reformed’ individual.

“So as a society, we don’t have a clear line of where forgiveness is. We’re more likely to forget than to forgive. Just as we won’t send the person who murdered in claimed self-defense to jail, and we’ll forget it happened eventually, but we won’t do the same for a person who murdered, admitted it, and shows remorse for the deed.”

“But if it’s in self-defense, it was kill or be killed,” a girl toward the center of his row argued. “A person is entitled to live.”

“And how do we know that it really was self-defense? It’s still murder,” he replied calmly. “No one can prove it really was self-defense, just like no one can really prove how sane a person is. But we forgive the claimed ‘insane’ as well, opting to pay for their institutional fees. And as soon as they’re deemed ‘sane,’ they either lose that forgiveness and are given a sentence, or they’re released once again on the world.”

“You’re attacking the institutions in place to protect us,” the girl continued. “They have to deal with hundreds of cases and maniacs and other people who would never dream of hurting another person. What do you want them to do?”

“I’m not attacking our institutions,” Jake insisted, remaining eerily calm and collected. “I’m pointing out that our institutions have a very inconsistent view of forgiveness, as does society in general.”

“But what else do you want them to do?” she fought, restraining herself. “They can’t look into every case and they certainly can’t solve everything. Unless you’re suggesting a Big Brother option where everyone is under constant surveillance;” she cocked her head to the side. “That would certainly solve the issue of who’s telling the truth or not.”

“Professor Rakins,” Jake asked, turning to the professor, “are we debating the issue as it is or how it should be?” His jaw was set tight and, though one of his hands was palm down on the table before him, he was shaking. I could see where he might have gained that hard edge. When you see things the way they are because you have to, it’s aggravating when others only think about how it could be worse.

The professor considered the girl and then Jake. “Natalie, he has a point. We are debating the issue as it is, not as it could be.”

Eternal: Chapter Six, Part 4

I was anxious to see Jake again. He had always been different from the others with this air of wisdom and patience; not just that, but he had this way of seeing more in a situation than most people might ever see. It was one of the reasons I wanted him on my team.

That he was in college now seemed appropriate enough, though it also seemed strange. Not strange in a bad way, but strange all the same. The last time I saw him was when he was 15 and leaving to return home; now he was 20, if I had kept track of my years properly.

Valetta had left an extra note in the folder saying she hadn’t spoken to him, but she had managed to find a copy of his schedule. I wouldn’t ask, despite my curiosity; I had accepted long ago that they had their ways of obtaining what they needed. If I didn’t ask, I didn’t have to know, and right now, I didn’t think I wanted to.

The campus clock tower struck noon; scanning the schedule, I headed toward the business and computer science building—with the help of a friendly student who was kind enough to ask if I was lost. I vainly wished I could have assured her I wasn’t, but what would have been the use? Other than to seem smarter and end up stranded anyway?

Walking through the campus, it started misting, and as hoods and umbrellas opened to keep the students dry, I was filled with envy. College had been something I’d been working towards. It had been my dream, my one salvation from the life I hated so much. It was going to free me, in more ways than it did for most people. For me, it was my chance to start over, to be who I wanted to be, do what I wanted to do—for the most part—and not ever have to look back. I had been doing so well; I had already applied and was well on my way…and then I had been screwed over by whatever plan of the universe was at work. When I had visited Kora, it didn’t feel like such a big deal. Probably because I was still so antsy about recruiting people I hadn’t seen in several years. Now I was nervous about this last one, and distractions were more than welcome. This environment, just being in it, was reminding me of everything I had planned for myself, and how every single one of those plans had been destroyed. Shattered. Picked up and tossed into a black hole.

I promised myself when this was over, I was going to work towards a degree; granted I wouldn’t be able to actually go to a university or anything, I could take online classes. It was a close second. Besides, even though I wasn’t happy about not having what I had wanted for myself, what I ended up with wasn’t so bad. There was Drei, all of my friends, and parts of myself I had figured out after all. It honestly could have been worse.

Eternal: Chapter Six, Part 3

“Why did you dye your hair?”

Shrugging, she replied, “I just wanted a change. You see so many people with blonde and brunette and others who try to pull off the red-head and—I just wanted to physically appear different. Since I am anyway…even if they can’t know that.”

“Understandable.”

“When you were in high school, did you ever just want to stand out?”

“I wanted to; I wanted to be on the outside who I felt I was on the inside, even before I knew who I really was,” I said, trying not to think too much on what things had been like, or how quickly they had changed for the worse. “But things were safer where I was…or so I thought.”

“Do you ever wish you could have changed? That you had risked a little and been who you wanted to be?” she pressed, her blue eyes widening.

“Some days I wish I had—that I hadn’t been so scared of…what it would have meant to be my own person. Because having to be my own person on someone else’s terms was not easy. Not that it would have been easy on my terms, but it would have been my choice then.” My gaze settled on my clasped hands in my lap; her questions were bringing to the surface many emotional memories I had been avoiding. Although I could blow off her questions, I didn’t want to. If I could give her my truth, perhaps it would help her find her own. “Other days, I’m somewhat grateful for my cowardice, because I honestly could not imagine if things would have been better the other way. I can only see them ending up worse in my situation.”

Again, silence seemed to fill the space between us and I hated sounding like such a damper. My situation was different from hers. I thought it was great for her to express she was different in a way that would draw attention but not from the wrong people. I personally couldn’t guarantee that if I had made the same decision to be different, my actions wouldn’t have drawn the wrong attention. She had the advantage overall; she could handle herself, and she had already learned to deal with and accept having an elemental power. At her age, I was just discovering mine.

“I think what you’re doing is great,” I finally said, unable to stand the silence. “It’s good to be able to express yourself in ways that don’t endanger you. Drei and the rest would be really proud of you.” I smiled at her.

“You, too?” she asked, glancing at me before diverting her eyes sheepishly.

I couldn’t help but smile; I would never have kids but it felt like they had been mine, especially that first year. I was their temporary mom, their older sister, their liaison to the occasionally unfriendly and intimidating vampires. That was me. “Of course. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of all of you.”

Xenia hugged me, and I hugged her back. She had grown up well over the past couple years and I really was proud of her. Instead of taking out whatever angst she may or may not have had by doing something stupid, she was being smart about it, even if it never felt like enough. It was refreshing for me because it proved to me why I was doing this.

“It was really good to see you again,” she said, pulling back.

“We’ll be in touch. But I shouldn’t keep you any longer from your friends.”

“Talk to you soon, Leirba.” At my pleased but shocked look, she added, “Yeah, Valetta told me about that, too. It’s different. Pretty…but different.” Then she was off to the boutique.

I sat for a while longer, just wondering how many other elementals felt as trapped as I had and she did, and how many were capable of breaking out in some small way like Xenia had. It hadn’t occurred to me until then how many there might be. I mean, I had felt trapped, but I was more worried with fitting in than standing out and fulfilling my own need to be myself. But hearing her put it that way, seeing the way she was settling to handle it, gave me even more motivation—if that was even possible—to succeed. If I could, no elemental would ever have to settle for being less than who they were again.