September
11, 1891
I must restrain myself
from stealing away to her again. Truly, the only reason I went yesterday was
because I longed to be near her. Mother still is unwell so no one but you knows
my secret. Father may know soon if he does not dismiss it as a charity. With as
preoccupied as he has been lately, I would not be surprised if he does. He has
been preparing a ball with his business partner and it, in addition to my
mother’s illness, has him stressed. He hardly noticed my absence yesterday.
Oh, it is taking all of my strength to keep from
going to her. I wish she would come to me, but that is not possible given her
responsibilities.
I hope she decides to attend the ball with me. If
not, Father will force me to go with Abigail Jones. Not that she is unpleasant
and well bred. It is that she gossips incessantly. She is so absorbed in her
own world that nothing outside of it affects her. Heaven forbid if it should.
Caroline is so…different. There’s an easiness
about her. She could make Father relax if ever they meet. It is her nature to
be calming. I am certain she has many suitors, many in her social class no
doubt. I hope it is not too late for me.
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