The Ballad of Dagmar Dinklenobs, Scene 1

Dagmar (aka Big Daddy D)

25 male, wants to be a star, like N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, Ricky Martin, idolizes Lance Bass, wears his mom’s clothes from the 80’s, Mamma’s boy

Edna

55 female, Dagmar’s mom, very supportive

Ted

62 male, Dagmar’s dad, very pessimistic, thinks Dagmar should have moved out or should be paying rent, wants his son to stop dreaming

Simeon Howell

30ish male, producer who discovers Dagmar

Passerby 1-5

various ages and genders who pass Dagmar on the street and insult his singing and playing

Note: For added humor, gender swap Edna and Ted.

~*~

 (Lights on scene: The street. Dagmar (Big Daddy D) is sitting on the sidewalk with his guitar. He’s wearing 80’s clothes and taped up glasses. Before him is an open guitar case with a cardboard sign saying, “Big Daddy D: Donations Go Here.” He is singing a song by the Backstreet Boys while playing the guitar, though neither is in tune. People walk past, insulting him.)

Big Daddy D

…show me the meaning of being lonely. Is this the feeling I need to walk with? Tell me why I can’t be there where you are. There’s something missing in my heart…

Passerby 1

You’re making me deaf!

Passerby 2

Wow. You’re wonderful.

Passerby 1

(Pulling Passerby 2 away) And you’re tone deaf.

Passerby 3

(From audience) Shut up!  Get a real job.

(Passerby 4 drops a book into the guitar case. Dagmar stops and picks it up.)

Big Daddy D

A course book? From Truman State? (Shouting back at Passerby 4) The sign says donations! Not tips! (Tosses course book to the side and starts singing a new song.)  You are my fire. The one desire. Believe when I say, that I want it that way.

Passerby 4

(Returning) If I give you (digs in pocket for money) ten cents will you shut up?

Big Daddy D

(Stopping, scratching his head) I don’t know. My mamma told me not to sell myself short.

Passerby 5

(Laughing) Did she also tell you you’d make it big?

Passerby 4

A dollar, then.

Big Daddy D

I’m not sure I can do that…Mamma told me not to take things from strangers.

Passerby 4

Look, (throws a five into the case) take the five and go home. (Exits)

Big Daddy D

He was a pretty cool dude.  (Shouting after Passerby 4) Any requests? I know Ricky Martin, too. (Waits a moment, but there’s no answer. Packs up his guitar and stares at the five as he exits) Mamma’s gonna be proud of me. I’ve never brought home five bucks before.

(Lights)