(Lights on scene: The street again. Dagmar
is trying a new approach, singing Ricky Martin songs to attract attention, but
his singing and playing are still dreadfully out of tune. A producer, Simeon
Howell, is listening to him.)
Big
Daddy D
She’ll make you take your
clothes off and go dancing in the rain. She’ll make you live her crazy life but
she’ll take away your pain, like a bullet to your brain. Come on! Upside,
inside out. She’s livin’ la vida loca. She’ll push and pull you out, livin’ la
vida loca. (Ad lib with random words and
phrases.)
Simeon
Howell
Did you forget the words?
Big
Daddy D
(Still strumming) Of course not. I wrote the song. Ricky Martin
forgot the words man.
Simeon
Howell
Ricky Martin also made a
fortune “forgetting the words.”
Big
Daddy D
Exactly. I do the hard work,
those guys screw up, and they keep all the money for it.
Simeon
Howell
(Drops a twenty into the case) What else can you sing?
Big
Daddy D
(Stares at the bill for a moment) I can sing anything by Backstreet
Boys, N*Sync, or Ricky Martin. Plus some of my own stuff.
Simeon
Howell
(Crossing arms) Very well then, woo me with a ballad.
Big
Daddy D
A ballad? That’s tight. Um…( Strums a different chord, sings) She
was my once in a lifetime happy ending come true. Oh, I guess I should have
told her, but I thought she knew. She said I took her for granted, last thing I
would do. Oh, I’ll never understand it, cuz I thought she knew…
Simeon
Howell
(Clapping) I want you to record a demo for me.
Big
Daddy D
What? Really? You mean it? I
already have lots of demos. Oh, boy, wait ‘til I tell Mamma about this.
Simeon
Howell
I think you have a very…unique
talent.
Big
Daddy D
Man, you’re awesome. (To self) Finally. I finally got my
break!
Simeon
Howell
(Reaching out to shake hands) Simeon Howell.
Big
Daddy D
(Shakes) Big Daddy D. You have no idea how much this means to me.
Simeon
Howell
I can imagine. You said you
already have some demos?
Big
Daddy D
Well, of course. I told you it
was my dream.
Simeon
Howell
Perfect. I’ll need you to
bring me one so I can take it to the board.
Big
Daddy D
The board? Is that in
Hollywood? Cuz I told Mamma I wouldn’t take anything that wasn’t in Hollywood.
Simeon
Howell
It’s in Hollywood. But, look,
be here tomorrow with the demo (hands him
a business card), and we’ll see what kind of deal I can get for you. (Exits)
Big
Daddy D
Oh man oh man oh man. Wait
‘til I tell, Dad. He’ll regret ever making fun of me.
(Lights)
(Lights on scene: The board room. Simeon
Howell stands at the front of the stage facing the audience. At his side is a CD
player. The audience is the board.)
Simeon
Howell
Ladies and gentlemen of the
board, I’ve found the next big thing. This kid will make all of us rich. Just
listen to him.
(Simeon starts the demo. Dagmar’s horrible
voice is heard singing his original creation, “Big Daddy D”. The board members
are not impressed.)
Simeon
Howell
(Stopping the music) So what do you think? You don’t have to
answer. I know you’re thinking he can’t sing, right? Well, that doesn’t matter.
The one thing books and movies have over music is the underdog. America loves
underdogs. We love people who don’t have any real talents, but still come out
on top. Now, before you ask, America won’t love him because he can sing…he obviously
can’t. They’ll love him because he’s an average Joe who made it. It’s
inspiring. You’ll give all the kiddies and washed up folks hope they can make
it, too. They’ll support him because he’s bad…and he’s pretty funny. There are
a lot of people in America. Most of them can’t carry a tune in an iPod. He’s
perfect. So what do you say? Do we sign him and make millions? (Someone from the audience says, “Okay.”)
Fantastic! (Shakes hands of board
members.) It’s been great doing business with you all. (Exits.)
(Lights)
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