(Lights on scene: The Dinklenobs’s living room. There’s a few chairs, in
one of which Edna Dinklenobs sits, knitting. Dagmar comes through the door,
excited and brandishing his five dollar bill.)
Big Daddy D
Look, Mamma! I made some money today!
Edna
(Rises to hug her
son) Oh, I’m so proud of you, Dagmar.
Big Daddy D
(Pushing her away)
Now, Mamma, I told you to call me Big Daddy D. If I ever want to make it big I
have to be taken seriously.
Edna
I’m sorry. I know how much you want to be successful. But
don’t worry, Dagmar—
Big Daddy D
Big Daddy D, Mamma. Big Daddy D.
Edna
Someone’s going to hear you and you’ll get your break.
You’re so talented. Just you wait and see. I bet there’s a big producer
somewhere just waiting to sign you.
Big Daddy D
Thanks, Mamma.
(Singing) Cuz Mom you always were…the
perfect fan.
Ted
(Entering)
Edna, throw one of my old work boots at that damned cat. I can’t stand
listening to it…Oh. It’s the disgrace.
Edna
(Hands on hips)
Now, Ted, I’ve told you to be supportive.
Big Daddy D
Dad, it’s Big Daddy D. Not Disgrace. And look, I brought
home some money. (Holds up the five
dollar bill.)
Ted
(Snatches it out of
his hand) That’s mine.
Big Daddy D
But I worked hard for that.
Ted
What you do is not hard work. Besides, you’re twenty-five
and still haven’t moved out.
Edna
Honey, let him keep his money. He doesn’t make a lot.
Ted
Well, if he’d get himself a decent job he would. Anything
would be better than him prancing around like some sissy singing those girly
man songs. We already let him drop out of college.
Big Daddy D
They’re the Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, and Ricky Martin,
Dad. They’re not girly men. And I’m not a sissy. (Ted punches Dagmar in the arm. Dagmar cries to Edna.) Mamma, he
hit me.
Ted
Case and point.
Edna
(Comforting Dagmar)
Honey, we’ve discussed this. It’s always been Dagmar’s—
Big Daddy D
Big Daddy D, Mamma.
Edna
—His dream to be like Lance
Bass. Remember?
Big
Daddy D
(shivers) Ooh, Lance Bass.
Ted
He’s a pansy. Dagmar—I will
not call you that ridiculous name! Dagmar, if you don’t give up this silly
dream and get a job, I’m kicking you out in four weeks.
Big
Daddy D
You just don’t understand.
Everybody loves Lance and the boy bands—and Ricky Martin. I just wanna be
loved, Dad. (Exits)
Edna
(Starts to follow but turns back) Now look what you’ve done, Ted.
You’ve hurt his feelings.
Ted
You make it sound like it was
that hard to do. (Pause) Say, weren’t
those your pants he was wearing?
Edna
They might have been…why, yes,
I believe they were.
Ted
(Shaking his head) That boy’s a disgrace to Dinklenobs everywhere. Doesn’t
he know what came from the 80’s stays in the 80’s?
Edna
You’re being much too hard on
him, Ted. He was still only a babe in the 80’s. How would he know that
everything then was completely wrong?
Ted
You’d think he’d have figured
it out when you weren’t wearing them.
Edna
True…but we never said Dagmar
was the sharpest pencil in the cup.
Ted
God forbid anyone says that.
Edna
Oh, now, be nice. He’s still
your son.
Ted
(Under his breath) Until I disown him.
(Lights)
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